


When It Rains

by IWrtBksNtTrgds (orphan_account)



Series: Wattpad Fics (That totally suck. Don't read them) [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Daddy Kink, Don't Read This, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Kinky stuff, M/M, Rough Sex, Smut, Unrequited Love, geetrick, it's a pile of shit, lots of smut, other stuff, petekey, rain kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:33:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 23,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/IWrtBksNtTrgds
Summary: It's the 2005 Vans Warped Tour.I don't know why. I don't know how. All I know is that the raven haired man was attached to me the second our eyes met and-now, as he presses me down into this soft bed-I'm beginning to question if our friendship is really just a friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, please don't read this. This is something off of my wattpad from like a year ago, and it's just a piece of shit so like. Unless you're looking for a shit book, I would suggest you don't read this. Or anything else in the wattpad fic series. Thanks.

June 18th, 2005  
Columbus, Ohio  
1st day of tour

The drums feel odd. Not... not a bad odd but an 'I haven't played drums in five years and I'm out of practice' kind of odd. The white skins take a while to get used to because they're a little stiffer than the ones I have at home. The rims sound different than what I used to play. The foot pedal takes a little bit of effort to push to hit the bass drum, a little more effort than what I had five years ago. Then again, maybe they're the same and it's just because I haven't played since 2000.

Either way, I'm screwed.

I haven't played drums in five years and Gerard just expects me to learn the drum part for Thank You For The Venom in less than an hour. God knows how long it took Bob to learn it but he's out sick in his bunk in the My Chemical Romance tour bus. So, I guess it's just me now and I mean... I think I'm doing alright. It's just a few crashes, a rock beat, a couple fills, a few empty spaces, more rock beat, lots of crash cymbal... fuck...

I turn up the volume on my earbuds, listening closely to the drum part because at this point, I'm too lazy to learn it over imitating it. I doubt I'll play this again so instead, I'm here copying the drum part in the song on Bob's drums in front of me.

Four, three, two, go!

I hit the crash cymbal once, twice, twice, twice, once, twice, twice, twice, rock beat for one, two, three, four, five, six measures, filler, stop, rock beat for twenty-one measures? No! Twenty-two.

"Shit," I growl out frustrated as I set down my drumsticks and run my fingers through my messy hair, taking a swig of water.

It doesn't help that he sets his drums out far enough away that I have to use my arms instead of my wrists (which is honestly extremely tiring).

I hear Gerard come into the back room from the stage where The Offspring is playing Spare Me The Details with a frown on his face as I try all over again, hurrying because I only have about... shit I don't know.

"How long do we have?" I ask, looking up to the black haired boy because I need to get this done. Now.

"Seven minutes," He replies, a bottle of water in his hand and a serious look on his face.

My eyes go wide at that. Seven minutes? Seven minutes?

"Shit!" I groan, now almost panicking.

"Dude, it's okay, man, calm down." Gerard smiles, laughing slightly,

"No! No! No! I haven't played in five years! You don't understand!" I yell out quickly.

I pull out my earbuds and shut my eyes, playing the tempo through my head before I'm slamming on the crash cymbal and bouncing myself trying to get myself pumped up for the show.

One crash, two, two, two, one, two, two, two, rock beat for six measures, good, I'm doing alright. Alright. Alright. Filler on the seventh measure, I can't go that fast! It's fine. You're using your arms, not your wrists, you'll do fine. Stop. Rock beat for twenty two measures, skip the fillers. Crash, crash, crash, crash, fast, fast, fast, fast. Filler. Quieter. Rock beat with fillers. More rock beat. Crash, crash. Louder! Louder! More rock beat. Filler, skip it, it's fine. Crash, crash, crash. Stop. Filler! Rock beat! Filler! Rock! Filler! Slow beat! Filler! Crash, Crash, Crash! Stop!

Crash!

Sweat is clinging to my back and chest as I pant and look up to Gerard who had a giant grin on his lips, taking another swig from his bottle of water.

"You'll nail it, my dude."


	2. Chapter 2

June 18th, 2005  
Columbus, Ohio  
1st day of tour  
Germain Amphitheater

The intro is fast and kind of violent. There's a lot of crashes on my part, putting all the parts in perfect sync and going with the guitar and bass and the other guitar and Gerard at the same time.

"Sister, I'm not much..." Gerard starts then goes off yelling into the mic, "A poet, but a criminal!  
And you never had a chance!"

Back to singing, I have to keep a rock beat.

"Love it, or leave it, you can't understand.  
A pretty face but you do so, carry on. And on! And on!"

Back to a rock beat. Either Frank or Ray backing up his vocals, I can't really tell. The audience is screaming. The lights are flashing. I can't pay attention. I just have to nail this.

Repeat!

"I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me!"

"I'm just the way that the doctor made me, on.   
And on.   
And on!   
And ooon!"

I'm doing fine I think.

"Love is the red the rose on your coffin door!  
What's life like bleeding on the floor?  
The floor.  
The floor!"

Bridge, the audience is screaming, the lights are flashing. It's all very intense. Much more intense than what I'm used to at the Fall Out Boy shows.

"You'll never make me leave,  
I wear this on my sleeve,  
Give me a reason to believe!" Gerard half-yells, half-sings into the mic.

Chorus.

Frank, Ray, and Mikey are all handbanging along, I find myself following in their movements as I get engrossed into the performance but I have to pay attention to my part.

"So give me all your poison!  
And give me all your pills!  
And give me all your hopeless hearts!  
And make me ill!  
You're running after something!  
That you'll never kill!  
If this is what you want!  
Then fire at will!"

I hum the lyrics as I pant, still hitting the drums with my arms, my wrists, my shoulders, my body. The beat of the song matches the beat of my heart as I pound the drums louder and louder, shining out the beat of the song,

Gerard seems to notice because he begins blasting out the lyrics louder than before.

"Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?  
I keep a gun on the book you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load!  
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son!  
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you run!  
And run!   
And run!  
And run!"

Bridge.

"You'll never make me leave!  
I wear this on my sleeve!  
Give me a reason to believe!"

Chorus.

"So give me all your poison!  
And give me all your pills!  
And give me all your hopeless hearts And make me ill!  
You're running after something!  
That you'll never kill!  
If this is what you want!  
Then fire at will!"

Halfway through.

I slam the drumsticks down harshly but the crowd loves it, dancing and yelling in their black apparel.

Stop and let Ray and Frank go, follow soon after. Nice. Steady and...

And...

And...

Jesus, Frank.

And...

Stop!

Mikey and Gee play for a little.

"You'll never make me leave.  
I wear this on my sleeve.  
You wanna follow something.  
Give me a..."

I come in.

"Better cause to lead!" He's back to yelling again.

"Just give me what I need!  
Give me a reason to believe!"

Chorus two more times. I'm almost there.

"So give me all your poison!  
And give me all your pills!  
And give me all your hopeless hearts!  
And make me ill!  
You're running after something!  
That you'll never kill!  
If this is what you want!  
Then fire at will!

"So give me all your poison!"

"Fire at will!" Ray and Frank call in the background.

"And give me all your pills!  
And give me all your hopeless hearts!"

"Fire at will!"

"And make me ill!  
You're running after something!"

"Fire at will!"

"That you'll never kill!  
If this is what you want!"

"Then fire at will!"

Go! Go! Go!

Stop.


	3. Chapter 3

June 18th, 2005  
Just outside of Columbus, Ohio  
1st day of tour

"You fucking killed it, Man, they loved you." Gerard grins at me, his black, wet, tangled hair draping over his skinny shoulders and his dark eyes looking right into mine. He holds up his hand for me and I take it, giving him a small high five, a small celebration for my accomplishment which honestly means a lot more to me than I thought it would.

Adrenaline is beginning to slow in my veins, my sweat drying across my chest and back, my breathing returning to normal, and my heartbeat slowing to a reasonable pace as I grab a fresh bottle of water from the cooler, downing half of it in less than a minute as Mikey, Frank, and Ray join us in the back.

"That was fucking awesome!" Frank exclaims beside me with a sideways grin, making me blush slightly and put down my water.

"Nice job, Man." Mikey compliments, patting me on the back, although I'm sure he quickly regrets it, because he's soon after wiping his hand on a towel. I smile to myself at their praises, feeling kind of proud of myself in a way.

"Thanks," I chuckle as I grab a towel and wet it down with the bottle of water. I press it against my face, mopping up some of the drying sweat and wetting down my face, making it colder in the night air, "I gotta get back to the Fall Out Boy bus," I throw the towel in their clothes hamper, "I'll see you tonight at the bonfire?"

"Sure," Gerard smiles with his tired, dark eyes, "See you around."

"You, too," I reply, waving at him as I turn from the built in table and leave the bus through the squeaky, white door at the front. It slams shut behind me and my eyes widen as I watch my cloudy breaths fill the dark air. It's cold. Really, really cold. It sends shivers up my spine to skull where I roll my head back and quickly make my way back to the bus, and after that to my bunk, which seems like heaven right now because I'm exhausted, cold, and I feel a headache coming on.

The walk doesn't take long, but it feels like forever before I finally return to our bus. The stars are twinkling above me and I think I can see the Milky Way, but I can't be too certain. It's beautiful, though I've never seen the stars this late at night with the moon in the sky and the clouds gone. It's... kind of peaceful. Along with the chirping of crickets and buzzing of cicadas. The only word I could use to describe it is... beautiful. I'm not used to the country. I've always lived in the city with bustling, starless nights. Neon lights shining above storefronts, trees lit by gentle, amber orbs, alternating red and yellow and green streetlights above the golden headlights.

The door is slightly ajar when I arrive at our bus. I can hear Pete and Joe talking inside, I'm guessing Andy is off with the All American Rejects' bus because he's starting to hang out there a lot more often than usual.

As soon as I open the squeaky door, their eyes turn to me and grins cross their bright faces.

"Nice job in there, 'Trick." Pete smiles at me, I only give him a nod before I'm passing by the two of them and flopping down in bed, kicking off my shoes lazily.

"You need anything?" Joe asks.

"Peace and quiet so leave me the fuck alone." I reply, sleepily, "I'm exhausted..."

Joe hums softly and quiets before turning to Pete, "You wanna meet up with Andy?"

"Sure."


	4. Chapter 4

June 20th, 2005  
120 miles south of Chicago, Illinois  
3rd day of tour

The bonfire is beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful in my life as I sit in the grass and watch it, leaning up against a tree while Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob sit closer with William Beckett and Gabe Saporta near them and Andy and Joe on the other side of the fire. It's cold out here at... what is it? 10 at night? Something like that.

Pete and Mikey left a while back and I'm not sure where they went, but something about how discreet they were about it tells me one of them is giving the other a blowjob. It wouldn't surprise me.

I don't know how long I'm sitting there, my back resting against the rough bark and my eyes shut in the peaceful night. The fire crackling, the gentle hum of people whispering, the chirping of crickets, the Milky Way above us, shining with hundreds of millions of stars.

It's beautiful and peaceful and it puts a warm feeling inside me that I can't describe in words...

"Hey," I hear a certain charcoal haired boy greet.

I open my eyes to see Gerard standing beside me, a small smile on his lips with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey," I reply with a smile of my own as I sit up and pat the grass beside me, signaling him to sit.

He complies, sinking to his knees and soon after sitting with his back against the tree.

"You looked lonely," he says softly, careful not to interrupt everyone else's conversation.

I shrug, "Not really, I mean, I'm sure Pete's having fun so it's not my business to interrupt him."

The singer chuckles softly, right from the back of his throat, "I didn't mean it like that."

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Does it look like I've had a girlfriend in the past three years?"

He smiles, "You're not bad. Don't put yourself down like that."

I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them there loosely while I rest my head back on the base of the tree, a content sigh leaving my nostrils.

"Sorry, I'm just not exactly happy with... this at the moment." I reply, gesturing to my body.

Gerard swallows, his eyes looking me up and down and I can't help but blush and shift uncomfortable under his intense gaze. It kind of puts a weird feeling in my stomach but...

Jesus, I'm not gay, I swear. I'm straight. Straight as a pencil. I don't... I can't be gay or bi... right? This is just.... this will pass.

Holy smokes.

"I-I uh..." I blush.

Gerard smirks, "'m I making you uncomfortable?"

I blush a darker shade of red and I'm thankful that the bonfire isn't too bright because I don't know if this is hot or weird.

I don't answer as he takes my hand and helps me up.

"You wanna get out of here?" He asks softly, just softly enough for me to hear him but not enough for anyone else to know his intentions.

"G-Gee?"

"Shh," he presses his finger to my lips and pulls it away, "Is that a yes or a no?"

Is he actually inviting me to have sex? I...

Not gonna lie, this is actually really hot and I'm beginning to feel my jeans tighten.

"Uh... yeah, sure."


	5. Chapter 5

June 20th, 2005  
120 miles south of Chicago, Illinois  
3rd day of tour

Gerard shoves me down on the bunk, looking around for a moment before he swings the curtain around the mattress giving us privacy in case anyone would be stupid enough to walk in.

My breathing is fast and my heart unsteady as I lean up on my elbows and look into Gerard's eyes.

The glance he returns is intimidating with... kind of a gentle undertone, and it begins to ease some of my nerves as he forces me to lie back, my elbows at my sides.

"Relax, Sugar." He whispers, "Are you a virgin?"

I blush a dark red, again I'm really thankful that it's dark in here as I reply, "Y-Yeah... both ways."

Gerard swallows, "You're sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

He smiles back at me, "I'll try not to let it hurt too much."

"Oh, okay." I whisper, my voice giving out halfway through because I'm so nervous.

He leans down, his lips just inches away from mine, leaving warm breaths on my lips, "Can I kiss you?"

"Jesus, Gerard," I pant desperately as I weave my fingers in his hair and drive his lips on mine. He kisses back deeply, placing my hands above my head and holding them there with one hand, while the other goes to unzip my jacket and pull it off quickly.

Neither of us say a word as I kiss down his neck and pull off his dark gray hoodie, throwing it to the floor with my jacket.

He tugs on the hem of my shirt wantingly as he goes back down for another kiss, nibbling and sucking down my neck.

"W-wait. I-I'm self conscious." I interrupt with a half-moan.

Gerard hums into my neck and trails his hands down my clothed chest to the button on my jeans, his lips still abusing my neck in ways I never thought could feel good but holy shit!

I let out a soft whimper when he pulls away, instead fumbling with my belt desperately because I can see that bulge in his jeans and it does not look comfortable.

"Condom?" I ask.

"I've got one." He winks. "I always have one on me."

I blush.

He finally slips my belt off and unrestrains my jeans, pulling them off and throwing them on our hoodies before he's licking me through my boxers and unzipping his own jeans with nimble fingers and fast breaths.

"Shit, Gee," I groan out, spreading my legs just slightly and bucking my hips up, desperate for... for... something.

He finishes with his jeans, slipping them off and adding them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor before he's finishing with his boxers and leaning over the bed to grab a condom from one of his pockets.

He sets it aside for a moment as he slips off my own underwear and gives me a few fingers.

I let a confused look cross my face, unsure of why the hell he's stuffing his fingers in my face but he replies with a, "Suck, I don't have lube."

My eyebrows raise at that to say, "Okay, then." Then, I wrap my around his fingers, bobbing and sucking desperately.

"Jesus, Patrick, slow down." He whispers with a grin.

"Well I'm sorry that my band members occupy this bus 24/7 and give me no time to myself. I just need to get off." I whisper.

"Well, I can help you with that." He says, poising his fingers at my entrance, "This is gonna feel kinda weird and it might hurt but just... try not to clench, I guess, and it'll get better."

I swallow nodding softly through my horny haze of, "Holy shit, I'm getting fucked by Gerard Way," and a long never ending, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," and the occasional internal scream of pleasure.

I feel a finger begin to make its way inside me. Inside me. That sounds weird but... I mean. Whatever.

It burns a little but not a lot, just enough to make me squirm under him and a gasp to leave my mouth. He doesn't do anything at my reaction, only concentrates on stretching me wide enough to fit himself in without too much pain.

"Can I add another?" He asks quietly, careful not to startle me through my gaze, but hard enough to snap me out of it.

"Y-Yeah." I reply quietly.

He gives me a warm smile as he slides in his index finger to the first knuckle, and then the second. This one begins to hurt a little more and my face scrunches up in pain as he slides the two fingers in and out, circling the rim every once in a while to try to get me to stop clenching (which is surprisingly hard when an extremely attractive emo guy is fucking you with his fingers and it feels strangely amazing).

He thrusts his fingers in a few more times before scissoring, his head buried in my neck, kissing and licking to calm me and his ring finger entering beside his middle.

"G-Gerard-" I whimper.

"Shh," he whispers against my neck, "I know. You're doing good, though. So fucking good. Mmm, fuck."

I clench the bed sheets and spread my legs a little farther despite the fact that I'm extremely self conscious because all of it is forgotten as he fucks me with three fingers, stretching me as well as he can.

"Next time, you're topping, Kay?" He asks me with a smile.

"N-Next time?" I ask shakily.

"Are you enjoying this?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Then why shouldn't there be a next time?" He winks at me with a dirty, dirty grin.

God help me.

"You ready?" He asks as he pulls his fingers out and rolls on a condom and-

Holy shit. How am I supposed to fit that up my fucking ass?

This is either going to go terribly or feel like heaven.

"Yeah, sure." I whisper breathlessly, but I'm really not ready.

Gerard smiles and spits on his hand, using his saliva as best as he can to lube up his length and line himself up.

"Don't clench, it's going to hurt but I'll make it feel better. Just... deep breaths and try to relax." He says gently.

So I follow his instructions as well as I can, unclenching anything that is clenched and tensed, taking deep breaths and feeling my chest rise and fall.

And feeling him begin to enter me.

It doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would, it goes fairly smoothly as long as I relax and keep my deep breaths. He massages my hips as he goes, his lips trailing up and down my neck and jaw, eventually going back to my lips and kissing me gently, licking my bottom lip and asking for permission to enter. I grant it.

The kissing and the gentle rhythm of his hand stroking my member. The unsteady breaths, the way that he eases himself into me, slowly. Everything about it. It... it doesn't feel like a one night stand. One night stands are supposed to be fast paced, much more more moaning, begging, growling but this... This is sex. Maybe even making love? No, not that far. It's not like we're partners. This is just a casual affair. I'm sure he's just going gentle because he doesn't want to hurt me, and because I'm a virgin.

It's not what I want it to be... I guess that's okay, though...

"You okay?" Gerard asks and it takes me a moment to realize he's bottomed out.

I nod softly, but quickly add a small, "Don't move yet," because it hurts quite a bit.

So he waits obediently, kissing up and down my neck to fill the awkward silence. His tongue begins exploring back towards my ear, making me lean my head to the right to give him better access right to my sweet spot.

"G-Gee!" I whimper as his lips latch just behind my ear, sucking hard and flicking his tongue over it every now and then, "O-Okay, please, fuck me!"

He chuckles darkly right into my ear, "You sure?"

"Y-Yes, please, fuck it hurts."

He smiles but pulls away and pins my wrists above my head, moving his hips back only to slam them forward, skin slapping against skin. I gasp at the feeling of him inside me, just the feeling of my walls being stretched and-

That's the best visual in the world. Note the sarcasm.

It feels weird but still kind of pleasurable at the same time, the way I bounce up under him, my head thrown back and my eyes rolling back in pleasure.

He grunts over me, kissing my collarbone and scratching at my thighs enough it make it hurt but at the same time make it feel amazing.

"Is this okay?" He asks, referring to his quick, hard pace.

"Y-ye-AGH!" I half scream out the last bit as he slams directly into the bundle of nerves right there.

"Here?" He asks, slamming right back into it.

"Yes! Fuck! Gerard!" I choke out, moaning and whimpering under him. I can't help but notice how hard he's thrusting his hips into me because the mattress is squeaking under us, and the slapping of skin is easily louder than our moans.

He slams right back into my prostate at a faster pace, holding my hands above my head as I arch my back against the bunk. Another moan escapes my lips as he kisses down my neck and gyrates his hips harder against mine.

"G-Gerard, fuck. Please just touch me." I whisper needily and I'm finding my voice to octaves deeper than it usually is, making Gerard moan.

He thrusts in a couple more times before his hand is trailing down my chest and stomach to my leaking length, his hands teasing it gently.

"Gerard!" I beg out, forcing my voice even deeper in an attempt to just persuade him to jack me off.

"Jesus, Patrick." He whispers before he finally wraps his hand around my cock and begins jerking me off quickly, "How deep does your voice go?"

I look down at his and wiggle my eyebrows through the dark making him laugh as much as he can while he has his dick up my ass and begins jerking me off fast and messy.

"OH SHIT!" I shout in surprise when he slams right into my prostate again

"Shhh!" Gerard giggles into my neck, "They're going to hear you!"

"They're going to see the hickeys on my neck tomorrow anyways." I murmur between kisses.

Gerard continues to jerk me off fast while his hips slap against mine and I can feel him twitch inside of me.

It makes me twitch in his hand and we must both have the same thought because he immediately begins jerking me off faster and thrusting harder.

"Gee, 'm close." I moan, my back arching off the bed.

He bites my bottom lip, hard, enough to draw blood and... I'm not gonna lie, it's extremely hot. Hot enough to send me over the edge with hot spurts all over my shirt and causing him to come inside me in the condom.

I have to admit, it's a fairly strong orgasm. Enough to hold me out for a couple more weeks, maybe a month...? I don't know. It leaves me gasping for air, my mind blank and my hands grasping the sheets desperate for something to hold on to. Gerard pants above me, his arms shaky as he holds himself up and a long moan erupts from his mouth. Eventually, he can't hold himself up and he collapses on top of me, spent, our orgasms over and we're left twitching against each other.

"P-Patrick..." he mouths into my jaw, "So... mmm.... so good. Thank you."

I hum weakly and lean over the bunk to grab a towel and clean up my stomach while Gerard throws away the condom.

He back up into my eyes, a gentle smile shining on his face, baring his small teeth to me. I smile back.

"I... uh..." he blushes, "I should probably go..."

My smile fades.

"Stay?" I ask, it's more of a beg but I... I don't want him to just leave. In all honesty, I think I'm just scared. I don't want this to turn out as just a fuck. I want this to be more. A lot more. I want this to actually mean something. But he shakes his head in reply, lowering his chin.

"I have to go, sorry." He whispers, "Maybe we can try this again sometime?"

I nod gently but I don't want to just, 'try this again sometime.' I want this to mean something. I want... I want this to be more than it is to him. But I don't know if he feels the same way about me as I do him.

"Talk to you again soon?" He asks.

"Y-Yeah... sure..." I force a smile. He crawls off of me and I immediately miss his warmth but... I guess it's okay. He'll be back again soon for another...

Soon...


	6. Chapter 6

June 27th, 2005  
16 miles east of Las Cruces, New Mexico  
10th day of tour

It's raining. The drops are pouring down fast and hard. The buses have stopped for a while because we've traveled eight hours today and the drivers need rest. So, now we're all kind of hanging out in our bus, Mikey came over from his bus and is now sitting in Pete's lap awkwardly. I can tell he hated PDA, and he's only tolerating it because Pete probably made a bargain with him for tonight.

I'm laying in my bed, my earbuds in and my eyes shut because I barely got any sleep the night before. In all honesty, I'm getting stressed about Gerard. I want to see him again but he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I don't want to lose him. I just don't know how to talk to him. I don't want to seem clingy I guess.

There's a knock at the door and my head perks up.

Joe opens the door to reveal a very wet Gerard standing there, his hair a tangled mess and he's shivering but he still has a grin on his features.

I slip out of my bunk and go to the door with a smile on my lips, "Hey, Gee. You wanna come in?"

He shakes his head, "N-no, g-get y-y-your coat o-on w-we're g-going o-outside."

My eyes widen, "in this weather?"

"Y-yes! C-C'mon!"

I open my mouth to protest, but think better of it and instead snatch my jacket from the bunk and leave the bus, shutting the door behind myself with Joe letting out a, "use protection!"

Before I can do anything, Gerard has me pinned up against the bus with his lips attacking mine and his fingers weaving between the space of mine.

"I-" kiss, "-missed-" kiss, "-you."

I giggle into his lips, turning us around so I'm the one pinning him to the bus and he's moaning out as my lips trace down his jaw to his neck and chest.

"Missed you, too."

He pulls my hips against his, "I wanna fuck later. Not now, but later."

I smile, "Straight to the point, huh?"

He kisses my lips again, "Mhmm, I liked last time."

I bite his bottom lip and tug on it for a moment before it returns back in place.

"C'mon." He smiles as he pulls me away.

"It's raining, though," I exclaim.

"Exactly!" Gerard yells.

I laugh as he pulls me along, past all the buses, out, far away through the smooth landscape where we pass the occasional tree or patch of grass. I don't know how long we're running through the rain, his hand in mine, his laughs and my grins. I don't know how long I'm lost in this with the rain pouring down my back and the occasional flash of lightning in the distance but it's long enough for the buses to become the size of small picture frames in the distance.

Gerard's pulling his hair from his face and slowing down with a grin on his lips and his dark brown eyes shut.

"Why are we out here?" I ask him, he doesn't reply at first, only throws his coat off know the wet dirt and runs his fingers through his long dark locks.

"I love the rain." He replies, "The feeling of it. The sound. The thought of it." He nears me, placing his hands in mine and pushing my dark blonde hair from my eyes before pulling off my cap.

"Okay then," I reply.

"Don't you?" He asks.

If Gerard likes it, then yeah. Sure. I like it too. I'm not sure why it takes his opinion to make up my mind, though.

"Sure," I laugh with a shrug.

He unzips my hoodie, letting it fall from my shoulders and watching my cheeks turn a dark red in the fading sunlight.

He steps away, blushing slightly himself, "Sorry."

"'T's okay." I mumble.

He looks back up at me and it's silent besides the rain splattering the ground and our unsteady breaths.

"What are we?" He asks softly, his head tilted and his hands in his jean pockets

"Friends with benefits." I reply truthfully.

He nods, "So like... are you okay with me kissing you...? Like... not sexually?"

I nod softly because I love it when he kisses me. Although, I think those are just the forbidden emotions coming out.

"Okay." He blushes slightly before pulling me along to a lonely tree and sitting down, pulling me down beside him with the rain still pouring down on us and the setting sun in the distance.

And it's peaceful.

I love it.


	7. Chapter 7

June 27th, 2005  
16 miles east of Las Cruces, New Mexico  
10th day of tour

It's raining. The drops are pouring down fast and hard. The buses have stopped for a while because we've traveled eight hours today and the drivers need rest. So, now we're all kind of hanging out in our bus, Mikey came over from his bus and is now sitting in Pete's lap awkwardly. I can tell he hated PDA, and he's only tolerating it because Pete probably made a bargain with him for tonight.

I'm laying in my bed, my earbuds in and my eyes shut because I barely got any sleep the night before. In all honesty, I'm getting stressed about Gerard. I want to see him again but he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I don't want to lose him. I just don't know how to talk to him. I don't want to seem clingy I guess.

There's a knock at the door and my head perks up.

Joe opens the door to reveal a very wet Gerard standing there, his hair a tangled mess and he's shivering but he still has a grin on his features.

I slip out of my bunk and go to the door with a smile on my lips, "Hey, Gee. You wanna come in?"

He shakes his head, "N-no, g-get y-y-your coat o-on w-we're g-going o-outside."

My eyes widen, "in this weather?"

"Y-yes! C-C'mon!"

I open my mouth to protest, but think better of it and instead snatch my jacket from the bunk and leave the bus, shutting the door behind myself with Joe letting out a, "use protection!"

Before I can do anything, Gerard has me pinned up against the bus with his lips attacking mine and his fingers weaving between the space of mine.

"I-" kiss, "-missed-" kiss, "-you."

I giggle into his lips, turning us around so I'm the one pinning him to the bus and he's moaning out as my lips trace down his jaw to his neck and chest.

"Missed you, too."

He pulls my hips against his, "I wanna fuck later. Not now, but later."

I smile, "Straight to the point, huh?"

He kisses my lips again, "Mhmm, I liked last time."

I bite his bottom lip and tug on it for a moment before it returns back in place.

"C'mon." He smiles as he pulls me away.

"It's raining, though," I exclaim.

"Exactly!" Gerard yells.

I laugh as he pulls me along, past all the buses, out, far away through the smooth landscape where we pass the occasional tree or patch of grass. I don't know how long we're running through the rain, his hand in mine, his laughs and my grins. I don't know how long I'm lost in this with the rain pouring down my back and the occasional flash of lightning in the distance but it's long enough for the buses to become the size of small picture frames in the distance.

Gerard's pulling his hair from his face and slowing down with a grin on his lips and his dark brown eyes shut.

"Why are we out here?" I ask him, he doesn't reply at first, only throws his coat off know the wet dirt and runs his fingers through his long dark locks.

"I love the rain." He replies, "The feeling of it. The sound. The thought of it." He nears me, placing his hands in mine and pushing my dark blonde hair from my eyes before pulling off my cap.

"Okay then," I reply.

"Don't you?" He asks.

If Gerard likes it, then yeah. Sure. I like it too. I'm not sure why it takes his opinion to make up my mind, though.

"Sure," I laugh with a shrug.

He unzips my hoodie, letting it fall from my shoulders and watching my cheeks turn a dark red in the fading sunlight.

He steps away, blushing slightly himself, "Sorry."

"'T's okay." I mumble.

He looks back up at me and it's silent besides the rain splattering the ground and our unsteady breaths.

"What are we?" He asks softly, his head tilted and his hands in his jean pockets

"Friends with benefits." I reply truthfully.

He nods, "So like... are you okay with me kissing you...? Like... not sexually?"

I nod softly because I love it when he kisses me. Although, I think those are just the forbidden emotions coming out.

"Okay." He blushes slightly before pulling me along to a lonely tree and sitting down, pulling me down beside him with the rain still pouring down on us and the setting sun in the distance.

And it's peaceful.

I love it.


	8. Chapter 8

June 27th, 2005  
16 miles east of Las Cruces, New Mexico  
10th day of tour

"You okay with just having a blowjob?" Gerard asks me as he presses me against the My Chemical Romance Tour bus.

"Y-Yeah," I reply.

"I gotta make it quick," he explains as he drops to his knees and unbuckles my very wet belt. The rain has passed for the most part but I'm still drenched and cold, we'd sat under that tree for a while, watching the sun set and the lighting in the distance and hearing the thunder and the rain. It was nice, but now we're back and we're both kind of buzzing with semi-hard cocks and abused lips.

"I've never had a blowjob before." I comment.

"You've never done a lot of things before." Gerard replies, "Blowjobs are nice. Like... I dunno. A lot less work."

He pulls down my underwear and looks around warily before he's going down on me and I have to slap my hand over my mouth to hold back a moan.

He bobs his head up and down on my length, making me go weak at the knees and my hands grip the side of the bus harshly while the other stays over my mouth.

His hands go to my hips and soon after my ass where he circles my entrance with his thumb.

"Shit, Gerard." I choke out as my tip hits the back of his throat, my skin breaking into a fever.

It feels nice. Like... better than nice. Amazing.

He pulls off for a moment to kiss and suck around my thighs, leaving bruises and marks wherever he can. I pull my hand from my mouth, trusting myself enough not to moan and instead letting out a shaky breath when he sucks on a finger for a moment.

Neither of us say a word as he circles my rim with his finger and wraps his mouth back around my length, using his other hand to pump what he can't fit because for crying out loud, I don't know who could fit 10 inches in their mouth.

I mean-

He begins inserting his finger into me, slowly as I unclench anything that is clenched and try to relax against the bus.

It doesn't help that we're right at the edge of all the buses so if even one person decided to come back here, they'd find this scene and take off running.

This is risky.

Gerard begins pumping his finger in and out of me making my back arch and a long, low groan to erupt from my throat.

"Shhh," Gerard giggles, "You're so looouuud."

"I can't help it." I whisper back as I rut my hips against his face, "You're amazing with your mouth."

He pulls off of me and sucks hard on my tip, swirling his tongue and making a yelp leave my mouth.

The finger inside me goes a little deeper and curls against my stomach, looking for-

"Gerard!" I yell out before I'm slapping my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide.

"Shut up!" He hisses before he's bobbing on me again and playing with my balls, paying attention to the underside and tip especially as he tries to speed up my orgasm but I've always been sort of slow with this kind of stuff.

My pants are getting faster as I feel it coming, growing tension, a clench here here a twitch there, my legs trembling. Gerard's getting impatient, raking against my prostate and getting messier with the blowjob, allowing my tip to hit the back of his throat over and over again.

"Fuck, I'm gonna..." I moan out.

He jacks me off quickly, messily while I release into his mouth with a trembly moan and weak knees. My muscles clench, my eyes roll back, and my body shuts down.

He takes it all, still jerking through the orgasm until I've stopped and I'm left a shaky, hot mess against the bus.

He pulls off of me and swallows my cum, humming like it tastes like sugar and begins to clean me up, pulling up my underwear and jeans and hands me my belt to rematch around my waist.

"You swallowed." I comment.

"Spitters are quitters." He replies.

"Do you want me to... uh..." I trail off, knowing what he means.

He shakes his head, "Next time. It's cold as fuck out here."

"So there will be a next time?"

"Of course."


	9. Chapter 9

June 28th, 2005  
Las Cruces, New Mexico  
11th day of tour

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it.

"We're going down, down."

"Down, down."

"Down, down."

"Down, down."

"We're going down, down."

"Down, down."

"A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it.

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it."

I strum my guitar one last time while Pete does the same and everyone starts applauding us quietly. I'm halfway breathless but not near as much as I would be if I was onstage. The bonfire is bright in my eyes, orange and yellow flame, red and black embers. The warmth shining in my face and Gerard is beside me with a smile on his face and his hands together.

I return the guitar to Frank who takes it gratefully and begins strumming random chords as a little bit of background music. I doubt I'll be able to stay for long, though, because Gerard's practically been begging for me.

"We're gonna get outta here soon and I'm gonna shove myself down your filthy throat and fuck your face until your choking on my cock." Gerard whispers casually into my ear, resting his hand right over my crotch.

I let out a shaky breath and lean back, swallowing.

"I want you on your knees right here, right now, so I can show them just how much of a slut you are. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Gerard," I hiss as my bulge begins to grow and I have to cover it with my sweatshirt so nobody else sees.

"It's true though, huh? You're getting harder and harder for me by the moment and you need me. You need my cock."

"Stop it!" I yell rather loudly, standing up and glaring at him with my hands in fists, "Just stop for a fucking second, would you? I don't want to do it right now!"

I realize soon after that everybody is watching me, the guitar is stopped and the crackling of the fire is the only sound.

Gerard looks startled with his mouth open, speechless.

I sigh and grab my hat from my seat before walking away from the fire, frustrated. I've been stressed, honestly, with all the shows and Gerard and Pete and Mikey are always out. I just need a break. I'm so close to breaking down. To telling Gerard to fuck off and never talk to me again, but I know I can't. No matter how much I want to, I can't because... well...

He means a lot to me, and I don't want to lose him quite yet.

I'm so fucked.


	10. Chapter 10

July 6th, 2005  
Long Beach, California  
19th day of tour  
California State Long Beach

"Set outside my front window  
This story's going somewhere  
He's well hung and I am hanging," Pete, "on!  
There's a song on the radio that says   
'Let's get this party started'  
So let's get this party started."

Andy and Pete get into a steady rhythm, Joe and I following right beside them.

"What you do in your own time's just fine  
My imagination's much worse   
I just never want to know." My eyes flicker up from my mic to see a certain raven haired boy in the crowd staring right back at me, guilt in his eyes, hands crossed over his chest, and a scared gaze in his eyes.

"And what meant the world had folded  
Like legs and fingers holding on to  
What escapes me what he has:  
A better kiss that never lasts."

I shut my eyes, I'm out of it. I feel like I'm going to faint. I feel like I'm going to scream. I just need to sing my heart out and try not to worry too much.

Bridge...

"You said between your smiles and regrets  
'Don't say it's over'  
Dead and gone  
Dead and gone yeah"

Chorus, just try not to fumble over your words.

"The calm before the storm, set it off  
And the sun burnt out tonight  
A reception less than warm, set it off  
And the sun burnt out tonight,"

Verse.

"This is me standing in the arch of the door  
Hating that look that's on your face  
That says there's another fool like me  
There's one born every minute  
There's one born every minute."

Bridge... I think...

"What you do on your own time's just fine  
My imaginations much worse  
I just never want to know (never want to know)  
What meant the world imploded  
Inflated then demoted all my  
Oxygen to product gas  
And suffocated my last chance,

"You said between your smiles and regrets  
'Don't say it's over'  
Dead and gone  
Dead and gone yeah,

Chorus...

"Calm before the storm (set it of, set it off)  
Calm before the storm (set it off, set it off),

"The calm before the storm, set it off  
And the sun burnt out tonight  
A reception less than warm set it off  
And the sun burnt out tonight

"Sun burnt out tonight  
The sun burnt out tonight"

Pete screams somewhere in the last few stanzas, and I'm left holding my mic at the end while Pete says goodbye, and we walk behind stage to case our instruments and grab water.

"Hey, 'Trick."

I blink and try to defog my mind as I look to Joe who has a worried look on his soft face, "You alright? You fucked up a few times through the song..."

I shake my head, "Just a little dehydrated I guess."

He eyes me suspiciously and scratches the back of his head, "Look, 'Trick. I know something's wrong. It's easy to tell. Ever since the bonfire, you've been acting off. I'm worried about you, man."

I shake my head again, "It's fine."

"Patrick-"

"It's fine! Forget about it." I snap with a glare.

He sighs and grabs my wrist before pulling me aside where nobody else can hear us. His afro bouncing as we go and dust kicking up behind him.

As soon as we're out of hearing range, he stops and turns to me, "What's up, Patrick? What did Gerard do to you?"

I rub my eyes, stressfully, and let my fingers trail through my hair, tipping off my hat which I quickly catch.

"Him. Us... I don't know." I whisper.

"What happened? Tell me start to end. I won't judge you, dude, I'm here for you." Joe replies.

I look away uncomfortably and lean back against a nearby wall.

"We were horny one night at the second bonfire. He invited me for sex. I agreed. We did the deed. I kind of regretted it but I tried not to let it get to me. That night when we went out into the rain, he gave me a blowjob and I agreed I'd do the same for him. The night I snapped at him, he was asking for me and talking dirty and I finally snapped because I just... I don't want to have sex with him." I grit my teeth as I state the last sentence and keep avoiding Joe's gaze.

He swallows, "Why did you regret it? Did you really not want to have sex? Or is it something more...?"

I shove my hands in my pockets awkwardly, hesitating on whether or not to accept these intruding emotions, or ignore them. I want to choose the latter. I really want to, but I can't. Not yet, anyway. It's wrong, we're just friends, friends with benefits, nothing more, probably something less now because of me. I shouldn't choose the former but I have to because... it's really the only acceptable answer...

"I didn't want to have sex with him." I whisper.

"Did you say no?"

"N-No..."

Joe sighs, "The best thing I can tell you is to apologize and say you don't want to have sex anymore."

I nod, "O-Okay..."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."


	11. Chapter 11

July 9th, 2005  
82 miles south of Seattle, Washington  
22nd day of tour

It's raining when we stop for the night. It's more of a drizzle today, but it was pouring earlier in Seattle, so all I could think of was Gerard. The way he looked when we last talked, nervous, shameful. It wasn't his fault. It's mine for all these stupid feelings. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to fuck him a few times and move on. I'm not supposed to miss him.

But I do.

So here, as I sit in our bus with Andy and Joe gone and Pete and Mikey's moans in the next bunk over. I can't help but hear my heart break inside and...

I need to talk to him. I need to say sorry for everything I did. For what I said. For how I acted.

I pull open my curtain and slip on my shoes, pulling on my jacket and leaving the bus.

I sprint through the maze of buses, desperate to find Gerard, desperate to find my latest mistake and face the problem.

I look around through the drizzling rain, finally seeing the My Chemical Romance bus with a light on inside and the door shut, possibly locked. This is it. I just have to talk to him like Joe said.

My footsteps are slow as I walk to the bus and knock on the door.

Frank answers.

"I need to see Gerard." I say, breathless from the running and the pouring rain.

"He left a little bit ago to walk, he went off that way," Frank points to my left, "Good luck, man."

"Thanks." I reply with a small smile before I wave to him and start making my way in the direction he pointed.

I walk for a while, feeling the rain drizzling down my head and wetting my jacket. The soft sound, like a hum. My warm breaths.

I keep walking, looking around everywhere, passing all the buses, feeling my shoes slosh in the wet mud. Watching the stars overhead. I don't know why I'm still doing this. I don't know why I still want us to be something.

I guess it's because he said there will be a next time and I don't plan on changing that.

That's when I see him, hugging his knees to his chest, leaning against a stump of a tree and letting the rain soak into his jacket carelessly.

I swallow, my hands are shaky, my knees are weak. I need to talk to him. I'm scared, but I need to talk to him.

"G-Gee?"


	12. Chapter 12

July 9th, 2005  
82 miles south of Seattle, Washington  
22nd day of tour

"G-Gee?"

My voice sounds nervous, with my lip bitten shortly after. He doesn't move at first, doesn't reply, doesn't pay me any attention.

And finally he pats the space next to him and I follow his instructions, sitting beside him.

"How did you know I'd be here?" He asks softly, through his cigarette, swallowing afterwards with his dark brown eyes cloudy with guilt.

"It's rainy out." I reply, "You like the rain."

He turns his head to look at me, pulling the cig from between his lips, "I'm sorry. A-About pressuring you into sex, I shouldn't have, I-"

I stop him, mid sentence to pull his lips against mine roughly despite the fact his mouth tastes like smoke and beer. Just kisses between friends. Friendly. Non-emotional. Just lust. No love.

Right...?

He pulls me closer and leans forward so I'm slowly being set down on the ground with his chest against mine and our crotches rubbing together.

"Missed you," I pant out as he kisses my neck, "Couldn't let you leave. I, ahhh, I shouldn't have snapped."

He bites down softly but just enough for another moan to leave my throat.

"Fucking... Mmm... Get off of me." I groan.

He quickly hops up with one more kiss on my stinging lips, helping me up, too and placing his cigarette back between his lips.

"I wanna blow you." I whisper, "I owe you."

He grins and looks left and right before he pulls me aside, behind The Offspring tour bus where he drops his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out quickly.

"I've never blown anyone before." I comment.

"You haven't done a lot of things before, Trick." He giggles as he pushes me down to my knees and unclasps the restraints to his tight jeans, "The best advice I can give you is to suck and blow, pay attention to the tip and underside, don't you dare finger me unless you know what you're doing, which, you obviously don't. Try to relax your throat and take deep breaths."

I blush at how much more experienced he is than me before I'm pulling down his underwear and widening my eyes.

It's longer than I remember.

He strokes my hair softly, comforting me and telling me to go ahead.

It takes a minute or so of hesitation before I finally work up some courage and let the tip enter my lips.

The precum tastes salty and it's really fucking warm from all the blood swelled up inside. I suck on the tip for a moment, taking in his reaction of moans before I finally get some confidence and slide down farther.

"P-Patrick!" He yelps out softly, grinding against my face, "F-Fuck, please."

I suck harder and begin bobbing my head up and down, in his length, looking straight up at him and hoping it won't be as awkward as I think it'll be.

It's not. Our eyes meet and he lets out a long, deep groan, grinding his hips even more and weaving his fingers through my hair roughly.

"'Trick, fuck can you... do you think you could... maybe... deep throat me?" He pants out.

I blush a dark red and pull off for just a moment to say, "Maybe."

He smiles quickly, understanding what I mean before I'm going back down on him and taking deep breaths as he slides deeper in my mouth, hitting the back and then some. I cough and try not to gag, desperate to just make him feel good. He has to be a good 6 or 7 inches and, yeah, it doesn't feel all that great when that goes down the back of your throat, but I'll take it for him.

And I don't know why.

He groans, trying to restrain himself from bucking as I grasp the last inch or so that I can't fit. Nonetheless, he's satisfied with one inch off and a moaning mess above me, weak at the knees, panting, whimpering. He's weak to me and that makes my pants tight. Really tight.

I take deep breaths and finally begin to suck gently, getting harder with the more comfortable I am.

"Jesus, Trick. Do you have a gag reflex?"

I shrug as I grab his hips and bob on him bravely, humming around his cock and making him whimper, a shaky mess.

"I-I'm so close, fuck... just a little more, Baby, ugh." He blabs, grasping my hair even tighter and grinding his hips further into my face. It shouldn't bother me so much but the way he groans out Baby makes my pants unnecessarily tight.

I let my fingers slide to stroke his balls gently, just enough for a little more stimulation and...

"Ahh!" Gerard cries out, throwing his head back and coming into my mouth in a few hard spurts. He's left a shaky, sweaty mess against The Offspring's bus (which I quickly realize how bad of an idea this was).

I pull off of him and, unsure of what to do with the cum in my mouth (which tastes extremely salty), swallow it.

Spitters are quitters.

Gerard opens his eyes, his pupils no longer blown with lust.

"Was I okay?" I ask.

He pulls up his underwear and jeans and buckles his belt.

"It was amazing," he replies, "I owe you."

"O-Oh, okay." I blush.

"Next time you're topping, and we're gonna have sex again."

"Will there be a next time?" I ask.

He smirks, "Of course there will be a next time."

I blush. He takes my wrist and takes me back to the stump, sitting me down as the rain continues to drizzle on our heads and we sit, hands kept to ourselves but... somewhere in there, our fingers lace together and I kiss his nose.

I'm afraid of what we're turning into, but I think I love it.


	13. Chapter 13

July 10th, 2005  
Portland, Oregon  
22nd day of tour  
Columbia Meadows

"You know, I'll tell you what usually happens in a concert." Gerard says, sounding half drunk, though, he probably is half drunk, "We show up and we get a bunch of stupid bras thrown at us and some panties, and it sucks. And y'know not that this is a problem cause usually, usually what happens is the girls are much louder than the boys."

I inhale deeply, biting my lip as I slowly unbutton my jeans.

"But that's not the case tonight because the boys are just as loud as the girls."

Fuck, Gerard. Fuck.

"We're gonna play a little game with you boys. We're gonna play a little game... Solo los muchachos. We want just the boys! Solo los muchachoes! To take your fucking shirt off."

I run my free hand down my shirt to join the other as I pull down my jeans and underwear just enough for my cock to pop out, hard and sleek.

"And you swing it over your motherfucking head." He shouts.

Why am I getting off to this? What life choices did I make to lead up to this?

"Take your shirts off boys! Uh, uh, uh..." he begins moaning into the mic, "here we go."

I wonder how weird Mikey feels right now.

With each following moan I make an upstroke, my balls jerking up and my head thrown back.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!" Each moan going up, each breath going down and I'm stimulated pretty damn well. Better than usual at least.

"One! Two! Three! Four!" He yells into the mic.

I buck my hips up quickly, squeezing my eyes shut and tugging one hand through my hair.

"In the middle of a gunfight,  
In the center of a restaurant.

"They say," FUCK, "come with! Your! Arms! Raised! High!  
Well they're never gonna get me   
I'm like a bullet though a flock of doves  
To wage this war against your faith in me  
Your life will never be the same  
On your mothers eyes say a prayer!

"C'mon you fuckers! Let's go right now! Right now!"

I thrust my hips up harder and moan out loudly, barely a whisper amongst the band onstage.

"Now! But I can't!  
And I don't know!  
How we're just two men as God had made us,   
Well, I can't...well, I can!   
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this   
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,   
I'll kiss your lips again."

I'm panting and moaning. A mess to just his voice and his false moans because I've heard him moan with so much more emotion than this.

"They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost,   
My cellmate's a killer, they make me do push-ups (in drag)   
But nobody cares if you're losing yourself...am I losing myself?!   
Well, I miss my mom,   
Will they give me the chair,   
Or lethal injection, or swing from a rope if you dare;   
Ah, nobody knows...all the trouble I've seen!

"To your room...   
What they ask of you   
Will make you want to say, 'So long...'  
Well, I don't remember,   
Why remember...YOU?

Frank and Ray and I wouldn't be surprised if he has his hands down his pants right now.

"Come on boys, I want to see you actually fuck yourself! Take your fucking hand and put it down your motherfucking pants!"

I feel myself close. So. Fucking. Close.

"Life is but a dream for the dead,   
And well I, I won't go down by myself,   
But I'll go down with my friends.   
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!   
Uh! Uh! Uh!  
UH! UH! YEAH!"

I stop, leaving my aching cock alone as I quickly recover and yank up my jeans, knowing Frank, Ray, Mikey, Gerard, and Bob will be back here soon.

As soon as my belt is back on, Mikey is coming backstage to case up his instrument and put it away. As soon as he sees me, he lowers his head, a soft blush of embarrassment crossing his cheeks at his brother's performance because he knows exactly what I'm going to do with the black haired boy soon.

I bite my lip as I try not to cringe from my tight jeans and watch as Gerard comes backstage, his hair sweaty and his eyes hungry with the slightest bit of a wobble in his step.

He smiles as soon as he sees me and grabs a water bottle from the cooler before he's approaching me and biting down on my lip clumsily.

"C'mon, Babe. Let's get outta here." He runs his fingers down my stomach discreetly and fingers my aching bulge then chuckles, "gonna fuck me up so good."


	14. Chapter 14

July 10th, 2005  
Portland, Oregon  
22nd day of tour

"Jesus, Patrick, how long have you been waiting?" Gerard asks as he pulls off my jacket and gently lets it fall to the floor.

"S-Since the start of the show." I reply, a strange taste fills my mouth with desire, "Fuck just... Gerard."

He yanks down my jeans desperately and kisses me, biting and sucking my lips.

"Were you touching yourself during the show?" He asks, "I could fucking hear you."

I moan out at that, my stomach tangling in a million knots and my breathing shaky as I pull down his jeans, completely gone with my eyes blown in lust.

"You were, Slut." He growls, "I bet you liked that. You liked hearing me get off onstage."

I don't know what it is, but something happens to me, and the next thing I know, I'm pinning and choking him against the bed and his eyes are wide at first in fear and then in pleasure.

"I'm not your fucking slut, Whore." I growl into his ear, "You know you were thinking of me onstage. I was the one you wanted to see shirtless. You are so fucking filthy, aren't you?"

I let go of his throat for just a moment to let him catch his breath and his breathing to return to normal, "Shit, Patrick."

I kiss down his neck, nibbling and sucking roughly before I'm pulling down his underwear and jerking him a few times roughly. Eventually I even bite down as hard I can into his neck.

"Patrick, Baby, please..." he whimpers.

"Fucking slut." I growl into his ear, "Gimme a condom. I know you have one on you."

He blushes, but then obediently pulls a condom from the pocket in his shirt.

I smirk as I rip it open and roll it over my cock, "Gonna fuck you so fucking hard, Slut."

He lets out a shuddery breath as I place my fingers in front of his face.

"I don't need prepping..." he whispers with a dark blush, "I... uh... already..."

I frown and run his entrance to find a...

Is that a...

Oh shit.

I grin as I pull the plug out and watch him wince and whine at the emptiness.

"And you call me a slut." I comment.

"Shut up." He whispers as I rim his wide entrance with a couple fingers.

I finally spit into my hand and lube up my length, moaning at just the touch because Gerard and I got held up earlier when Pete congratulated Gerard on his performance and said I did well on my band's performance. I thanked him and we left.

I line myself up and inch by inch begin to slide myself into him.

He immediately wraps his legs around my waist and pulls me closer, groaning in pain and pleasure as I try to go slow.

"Just..." he shakily sighs, "Shove it in me."

"W-What?"

"Shove. It. In. Me. I can take it please just. Fuck me please." He whimpers out, grinding up against me.

"Are you sure?"

"Patrick please."

I blush but don't hesitate to shove myself in him, he screams out in agony and ecstasy, yelling out a stream of, fuck's and shit's.

I open my mouth, worried but he only crashes my lips together with his and begins grinding down on me, whimpering for me to move.

So I do, I start off with a fast pace. Our skin slaps together, my hands go to his wrists to pin them above his head, his moans immediately fill the room while I grunt above him, softly.

"Fuck, Patrick." He whimpers.

I don't reply, instead try to angle it a little different searching for his prostate. It doesn't take long before he lets out a yelp and begs for more, at which I agree and slam right into the bundle of nerves.

"Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, feels so fucking good, please..." he whimpers, arching his back and moaning louder afterwards.

I take one hand and weave it through his hair, tugging harshly as I continue to ram into him. He yelps out and whispers out a groan of, "Touch me, p-please, c-close."

I bite my lip, but quickly reply, knowing I'm just about on the edge right now and begin to jerk him off in fast strokes.

I lean my head against his jaw and begin kissing softly, wanting to keep this moment for just a moment longer. Just... please.

He kisses my lips but it's... different. There's just something there. Like a spark, but not. I don't know how to describe it and I kinda want more.

But he's already coming against his stomach and I'm coming soon after as he clenches around me.

Gerard kisses me gently as our hearts return to normal and we just gaze at each other for a moment.

"I have to go." He whispers.

"Why?" I ask, a hint of desperation in my voice.

He bites his lip, "I just have to go."

I sigh softly, disappointed, "Oh, okay."

"I'll see you next time?"

"There will be a next time?"

"Oh yeah." He grins at me. I smile softly as he cleans he cum from his chest and gets dressed again, "See you soon, dude."

"You, too." I reply and with that he's off the Fall Out Boy tour bus and me...? Well, I'm breaking down soon after. With a broken heart and a stressed mind, and I kind of just want to die because of all these forbidden emotions and all I can think about is the fact that I want to be with Gerard.

And I want him to feel the same way about me.


	15. Chapter 15

July 16th, 2005  
Salt Lake City, Utah  
28th day of tour  
Utah State Fairgrounds

"How are we all doing today?" I ask the crowd, their screams and cheers immediately following not long after. I smile and look to Pete who nods.

"Today we'll be playing a little song you may have heard before. Here's Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy Tonight!" I shout, a few more cheers coming from the crowd.

I step back for a moment, silence filling the stage as I start off, singing the first line.

The song goes well, Andy has a couple fuckups and Joe misses a string once or twice, while I run out of breath multiple times, but otherwise it's a good show. People love us and that honestly makes me really happy.

As soon as we go backstage with water bottles and towels, I spot Gerard and Mikey leaning against the wall and talking softly. Gerard looks kind of ashamed while Mikey's trying to comfort him and I immediately decide that in a bit I'm going to ask Gerard what's wrong...

The raven haired boy looks up to meet my eyes, while Mikey immediately seeks Pete's warmth and they share a small kiss.

I take a swig of water and near Gerard, "Hey,"

"Hey," he smiles, "I think it's gonna rain tonight. The weather forecast said."

I nod with a soft smile before I pull him close, "Maybe we can do a little something after?"

He shakes his head gently, "I uh... wanted to talk to you about that..."

I tilt my head, confused.

"I wanna go into abstinence. I mean... like just for a couple weeks or so." He bites his lip, "We've been having sex near every day and I just... kinda want to take a break from this for a little bit..."

I bite my lip, "Will we still hang out?"

He smiles at me, "Of course. You're still my friend."

Friend.

"Y-Yeah." I smile falsely, "Sure, I mean, whatever you wanna do man."

He hugs me close, "thanks."

I kiss his cheek softly and pull away, "You wanna come back to the bus with me? Just for a little bit."

He nods, "Sure, but as soon as it starts raining, we're going outside."

I giggle, "Okay."

"Okay."

I kiss his nose.

"Okay."


	16. Chapter 16

July 16th, 2005  
Salt Lake City, Utah  
28th day of tour

The rain is pouring almost as hard here as it was in Seattle. The ground is wet through the city as Gerard seizes my hand and we run through the wet streets. Trees are decorated with glowing white lights. Shops are adorned with bright lights. Lampposts are flickering by the sidewalk. It's... peaceful.

Gerard keeps running, grinning, and dancing through the rain and I can't help but giggle at how childish he looks. He just looks... happy... and that makes me happy.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"I don't know where we're going. Does it matter?"

I smile and stop him, pulling him close to kiss him gently and feel him begin to kiss back, a smile on his lips.

"Your lips taste good," he mumbles softly as he kisses me deeper and pulls me closer.

"Yours taste like cigarette smoke." I giggle.

"Sorry," he whispers pulling back with a small blush.

I only pull him against my lips again, "I like it."

He giggles softly as he kisses me again, licking my bottom lip for entrance which I immediately grant. Our tongues fight for dominance but he lets me win, knowing how much I like to top and the next thing I know, I'm pinning him against an alleyway wall with my fingers running through his wet hair and my crotch grinding up against his.

"Mmm, stop." He whimpers, I immediately comply, not wanting to cross his boundaries, "I can't go far."

I nod, pressing my forehead to his and shutting my eyes, my hands on his hips and his wrapped around my neck.

"What are we, Patrick?" He asks softly as he brushes my sideburns farther to the side.

"Friends." I reply, a truth, but also a lie...

"Like... best friends?" He asks quietly.

"Your brother kinda stole my last best friend so..." I smile, "yeah. Sure."

He grins and kisses me again, sending butterflies through my stomach that shouldn't be there.

"It's pretty here." He says, pulling away from me, "The rain, the city lights..."

"You'd love Chicago." I say, "It's rains at least once a week, the city lights are always bright, there are lampposts and shops and trees and it's always lit up at night."

Gerard laces his fingers in mine, "Maybe we could go there someday."

He gazes down at my fingers, "It would be fun."

"I love it there," I reply, placing a chaste kiss to his forehead, "I was raised there." Kiss, "And it's beautiful," Kiss, "And when tour gets there," Kiss, "I'll show you around."

"What day is it?" Gerard asks.

"The sixteenth, why?" I ask.

He smiles, "We'll be there in seven days. I'll be done with abstinence, too. Would you like that?" He lowers his mouth to my ear, "Would you like me to fuck you there? Eat you out maybe?"

"Uh, uh." I tsk, "I'll be the one with my dick up your ass."

He grins, "Mmm... sounds nice. Seven more days, Baby."

"Seven more days."


	17. Chapter 17

July 23rd, 2005  
Chicago, Illinois  
35th day of tour  
Tweeter Center

"Hey, Chicago! How are we doing tonight?" I ask into the mic, an eruption of cheers quickly following, "Nice, we want to say a quick thanks to this city because," I turn to look at Pete, "This city means a lot to us."

"Thank you, Chicago!" Pete shouts into his microphone. I grin as the crowd cheers and he steps back for a moment, his pick in hand and a grin across his features.

"Our first song is called Chicago is So To Years Ago!" I announce and then, with one last cheer, we're off.

Joe, Pete, and Andy starting it off, with me coming in soon after.

"My heart is on my sleeve  
Wear it like a bruise or black eye  
My badge, my witness  
That means I believed  
Every single lie you said,"

Bridge, they quiet and I'm left singing out to the crowd until chorus where they become louder.

"But there's a light on in Chicago  
And I know I should be home  
All the colors of the street signs  
They remind me of the pickup truck  
Out in front of your neighbor's house!"

My eyes rise to see Gerard in the crowd, a smile across his lips.

"She took me down and said  
'Boys like you are overrated. So save your breath'  
Loaded words and loaded friends  
Are loaded guns to our heads.

"Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap  
Negates the pains I went through to avoid you  
And every little tap on the shoulder for attention  
Fails to mention I still hate you

"But there's a light on in Chicago  
And I know I should be home  
All the colors of the street signs  
They remind me of the pickup truck  
Out in front of your neighbor's house!"

I feel myself begin to dance to the beat, just a little. Enough to make Gerard laugh in the crowd, and a smile to start up on my face.

Pete begins playing louder and his lips move to his mic as he gets ready for backing vocals.

"You want apologies, girl you might hold your breath  
Until your breathing stops forever, forever   
The only thing you'll get  
Is this curse on your lips  
I hope they taste of me forever!"

"But there's a light on in Chicago  
And I know I should be home  
All the colors of the street signs  
They remind me of the pickup truck  
Out in front of your neighbor's house!" I sing.

"Every pane of glass,  
Every pane of glass  
Every pane of glass  
Every pane of glass  
Every pane of glass  
Every pane of glass!" Pete sings in the background then sings leads.

"With every breath I wish your body  
Will be broken again, again.  
With every breath I wish your body  
Will be broken again, again!"

And with a few more vocals from me, the song is over, sweat clinging to my forehead as I grin at the crowd. Gerard has his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face as he bites his lip and winks at me, and just like, that he's leaving the crowd and I have to hide my new boner with my guitar.

"Okay guys, thanks for coming!" Pete announces, "That's all for tonight! I hope you had a good time at Warped and we'll see you soon!"

I smile at him before I'm waving to the crowd and heading backstage to case up my guitar, followed by Andy and Joe.

As soon as I've had water and cased my guitar, I leave the backstage with a quick goodbye only to find Gerard right outside the building. He's smoking a cigarette and leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

"Hey there," I say quietly, pulling him close and kissing his jaw softly.

"Hey there, Horny," he replies, his hand quickly finding it's way down my stomach to my quickly growing bulge.

"Shut up." I whisper, "Let's go."

He shakes his head with a sly grin, "Nope. We're exploring Chicago first. Then you can fuck me."

I glare at him, "You're evil."

He giggles and kisses me, "You love me."

Our grins immediately disappear as soon as it leaves his mouth and his arms disappear from my shoulders, regret and realization sinking in, "I didn't- I don't-"

I nod, blush softly because I do. But he can't know that. And we've both agreed we're just friends.

"It's okay," I reply softly, "L-Let's just go... okay...?


	18. Chapter 18

July 23rd, 2005  
Chicago, Illinois  
35th day of tour

I press Gerard against the bed, my lips biting and sucking his while his hands travel through my hair and he spreads his legs for me to position myself between. We'd spent all day out in the city, I showed him all the shops I'd visited as a kid and, though it didn't rain, he enjoyed it. It was nice especially this late at night. The concert ended at 9.

"I wanna," kiss, "I wanna try something." I say to him before I'm kissing down his neck and pulling off his shirt.

"What's that?" He asks.

I grin up at him as I let his shirt fall to the floor and get started on his jeans.

"I wanna eat you out." I reply. I swear I can see his length harden at just the sound of the suggestion and he bites his lip, tearing at the skin.

"I'll do the same to you." He says, "If you want..."

I grin before I'm yanking down his jeans and asking him to get on his hands and knees, he complies.

"Do you even know how to eat someone out?" Gerard asks, teasingly.

"I can learn." I reply.

He laughs, "Mkay..." he pauses, "I have an idea for next time."

"Next time?"

"Oh fuck yea." He replies.

I pull down his boxers with a grin and my breathing hitches as I realize exactly what I just agreed to. I'm blushing to myself as I hesitate on whether or not I'm really gonna do this. I finally swallow and put my hands on his cheeks, making him flinch but soon after calm down.

Another minute or so of hesitation because this is fucking disgusting.

"Hey, if you don't wanna do this, you don't have to..." Gerard says gently, sincerely.

"N-No, it's fine just... kinda weird." I reply before I finally just shut my eyes and lick. He jumps under me.

I open my eyes again, lowering them to see what I'm doing as I begin licking and sucking around his entrance and finally, finally enter my tongue.

And yeah. It tastes like shit but... whatever. I just... try not to think about it.

I delve my tongue as far in as possible and begin sucking softly, a moan immediately leaving Gerard's throat.

"F-Fuck." He gasps, trying not to grind back on my face

I smile gently, kinda proud, kinda ashamed, but... y'know. Whatever.

I pull out for a moment and spit into the trash can beside the bed making Gerard blush slightly and bury his head in the pillow before I'm entering a finger and my tongue beside it, searching his walls for his prostate.

It doesn't take long before he's screaming into the pillow and grinding back on my face, losing basically all control as I rake against his prostate and suck.

His hand goes to his leaking cock as he desperately jerks himself off but I quickly slap it away and jerk him off myself, still fingering him roughly and licking across his entrance.

"G-Gonna cum, just... ah... I'm close so fucking close... I-I... ah!" He comes hard onto the bunk, my hand still bouncing up and down on his length and my finger still up his ass.

He's panting as his muscles unclench and I pull out my finger with a whimper coming from his throat. I lean over the bed, spitting into the trash again and trying to clean my mouth from the taste with some water as well.

"Sorry..." he blushes, turning over, "You really didn't have to do that..."

I shrug, "You gotta eat me out and it's not like I've ever had an enema before."

He blushes even more as he swallows and begins unbuckling my belt.

"Let's get on that, then."


	19. Chapter 19

July 23rd/24th, 2005  
68 miles outside of Chicago, Illinois  
35th/36th day of tour

Gerard stays on the Fall Out Boy bus for the night, but Pete stays with the My Chemical Romance bus to sleep with Mikey.

We kind of just wanted to talk for a bit while the bus continued down the road. So, there we were, in my bed with our hands to ourselves as we turned on our sides and talked quietly, careful not to wake Joe or Andy.

"So how was Chicago?" I ask softly, the gentle rocking of the bus, soothing all my tension and letting me focus on the man laying beside me.

"It was good," he replies, "beautiful."

I smile, "Good."

He smiles back at me through the dark, then kisses me, his cigarette lips lingering on mine and soon after leaving.

I bite my lip and pull him close, "Why do you always kiss me?"

He smiles, "Because I like to, why? Do you want me to stop?"

I shake my head. Maybe a little too quickly, but it gets the message across and he immediately kisses me again, rolling us over so he's straddling me, his boxers pressing against mine and his hands trailing down my shirt.

"Can I take this off?" He asks, fingering the hem of the shirt.

I bite my lip but nod, siting up to let him slide it off easily and let it fall to the floor. I want to cover myself so he can't see but I resist the urge and watch him soak in my stomach and chest.

"You're fucking hot, Patrick." He whispers.

I blush, "Th-Thanks, I guess."

He grins and kisses me again, trailing his lips down my neck to my chest where he looks up, right into my eyes and licks one of my nipples making a gasp leave my mouth and my hands to immediately move his face from my chest.

"That's fucking gross, Gee." I growl.

"You liked it," he replies with a grin.

I blush harder because, yeah, I kinda did...

He giggles, "You did! You kinky bastard!"

I hold my finger to his lips, laughing, "Shut up."

He grins, "Okay, so, have you ever like... masturbated for anyone?"

His lip is bitten as my stomach drops and the suggestion sets in.

"M-Masturbated...?" I whimper.

He smiles at me, letting his fingers trail down my chest, "Mhmm..."

My breathing hitches as he pulls on the waistband of my boxers and lets it snap back on my skin, a whimper leaving my throat.

"Would you do that for me, Sugar? Jerk off for me to see? Like a little slut?"

I blush a dark red, "B-But Joe and Andy..."

He chuckles, "They're busy with each other in the back of the bus, nobody can hear you but the bus driver now. Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you."

I roll my eyes at the song reference but finish it, "Can I lay in your bed all day ? I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake."

"The hand behind this pen relieves a failure every day." He begins pulling down my boxers and places my hand around my cock, pushing my hand up and down on the length, now swelling red with blood.

"Touch yourself for me." He whispers into my ear, "Nice and slow, Baby, take your time."

"I-" I start but he cuts me off with a kiss and pulls back to watch.

Oh Jesus. What have I gotten myself into?

He bites his lip as I hesitate on whether or not to really do this, then just let my shame fade and begin jerking myself off in slow motions just like he asked.

His eyes stay on me the whole time, his fingers grilling the sheets and his boner getting more and more obvious through his underwear as he palms himself gently.

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath as I try to forget the fact that he's watching me masturbate and focus more on the pleasure going through my fucking dick.

Gerard moans out softly, rocking back and forth and basically grinding into the bed as he watches me.

I feel a burst of confidence flow though me and I immediately open my eyes again, looking down at him through lidded eyes as I move one hand to tug at my hair and the other to jerk myself off a little faster, Gerard eating it all up with wide, hungry eyes.

"Touch yourself." I find myself asking and his eyes immediately widen, his hands going to his boxers and pulling them off in or swift movement.

I sit up to give him a little more room but he immediately pulls me closer and kisses me hard as his hand pulls mine to his length and his hand goes to mine.

I jerk him off in fast, sloppy strokes while his are slower and much neater, focusing right where he knows I need it.

He pulls away for a second to breathe, instead resting his forehead against mine and panting out my name in soft, desperate breaths.

"Faster, please, god I'm close." Gerard whispers, "Please, fuck, fuck, fuck, yes, you feel so feel, just, ugh!"

I kiss him again, weaving one hand through his hair to tug lightly while my hips buck up in his hand, desperately.

He slides his tongue down my jaw and whispers out a soft but demanding, "Come." In my ear.

My mouth opens as I come hard into his hand and the sight must have sent him over the edge because he, too, is coming hard into my hand soon after.

I slow my pace on his cock and I'm unsure of what to do with the cum at first but then I remember.

Spitters are quitters.

And his cum doesn't taste all that bad so I go ahead and drink it, licking the salty taste from my fingers soon after and pulling up my boxers.

Gerard grins at me as he pulls me close and we cuddle for a while, eventually falling asleep without a word...

Other than a small comment from Gerard.

"Next time, I'm topping."


	20. Chapter 20

July 25th, 2005  
400 miles west of Buffalo, New York  
37th day of tour

The smell of rain fills the air again.

Gerard is here by my side, his head on my shoulder, his eyes shut peacefully as the droplets shower his head and he breaths softly.

I brush his hair from his eyes and kiss his forehead softly...

I've grown to love him. This shouldn't be happening. We only have 19 days of tour left and I don't know if I can leave him. It'll hurt. It'll hurt horribly. I'm afraid of what will happen. I'm afraid that he'll move on just fine. I'm afraid that we'll never talk again that after this is all over, there will be no next time.

"Hey there Delilah  
What's it like in New York City?  
I'm a thousand miles away  
But girl, tonight you look so pretty  
Yes you do  
Times Square can't shine as bright as you  
I swear it's true..." they're playing by their bus, not too far away from us but it still breaks my heart and I can feel tears begin to accumulate.

"Hey there Delilah  
Don't you worry about the distance   
I'm right here if you get lonely  
Give this song another listen  
Close your eyes  
Listen to my voice it's my disguise  
I'm by your side

"Oh, it's what you do to me." I squeeze Gerard's hand and feel a tear begin to fall from my eyelash to my lap to join in the soft rain. I'm afraid. I really am afraid of what's going to happen. Will he understand if I told him? Or would he just leave me? Will he miss me like I miss him? As more than just friends? Or as just friends? Best friends?

I can't lose him. He makes me happy. Before this tour I had been going through so much stress but with him, it all just kind of mutes.

"Hey there Delilah   
I know times are getting hard  
But just believe me, girl  
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar  
We'll have it good  
We'll have the life we knew we would  
My word is good.

"Hey there Delilah  
I've got so much left to say  
If every simple song I wrote to you  
Would take your breath away  
I'd write it all  
Even more in love with me you'd fall  
We'd have it all

"Oh, it's what you do to me  
Oh, it's what you do to me  
Oh, it's what you do to me  
Oh, it's what you do to me

"A thousand miles seems pretty far  
But they've got planes and trains and cars  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way  
Our friends would all make fun of us and we'll just laugh along because we know  
That none of them have felt this way  
Delilah, I can promise you  
That by the time that we get through  
The world will never ever be the same  
And you're to blame

"Hey there, Delilah  
You be good and don't you miss me  
Two more years and you'll be done with school  
And I'll be making history like I do  
You know it's all because of you  
We can do whatever we want to  
Hey there, Delilah, here's to you   
This one's for you

"Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
What you do to me."

I swallow as the tears continue to stream down my cheeks and my gaze returns to the resting boy by my side. Peaceful. Beautiful.

I love him. I shouldn't but I do and it hurts and I would give anything just to know he feels the same about me.

Anything.


	21. Chapter 21

July 27th, 2005  
200 miles southwest of Quebec, Canada  
39th day of tour

Gerard's back hits the mattress roughly as I yank down his jeans and boxers and soon after my own, not even bothering with my shirt as I lube up my fingers quickly and spread his legs before I'm thrusting one finger inside him roughly.

He was touching and kissing Frank and onstage in Buffalo, and I'm not the happiest about that. As soon as he was offstage, I gave him a boner and dragged him to the bus.

And, yeah, this isn't the kind of things friends do because he's not really mine, but it's an okay excuse for rough sex.

He immediately goes all submissive as he's on the bed, whimpering and whining and trying to cover himself and goddamn if that's not the biggest turn on, I don't know what is.

"Fucking Slut," I whisper in his ear as I twist the finger inside him, roughly, and add another.

"Fuck, 'Trick, please-" Gerard begs, his voice strained as I add another finger.

"This is what you fucking get for kissing him, touching him. Would you rather be fucked by him? Is that it?" I slam three fingers in him, making him yelp in pain and pleasure, "Would you rather his cock up your ass, pounding you? Or me?"

"P-Patrick, ugh..." he moans out whorishly, brain dead as I pull out my fingers and grab a condom from the pocket of his shirt, rolling it on my hard length and then lathering myself in lube.

"Gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a fucking week." I growl into his ear, knowing how turned on he gets by dirty talk.

He arches his back off the bunk and whimpers louder as I line myself up and begin to slide in, stopping every once in a while to run circles into his hips and let him adjust to my size.

He takes deep breaths, his hands clenching in the sheets as I bottom out and wait for his okay.

He opens his eyes, shifts a bit, then nods to me.

I grin as soon as his head bobs and pull almost all the way out so just my head is inside him, then slam all the way back in, right against his prostate. He screams out and covers his mouth but I immediately pull his hands to pin against the bed and slam back in again. Each thrust hitting his prostate. I'm desperate to hear his screams.

He throws his head back and grinds down on me but I hold down his stomach to stop him, making a whine leave his throat.

"P-Patrick..." he whimpers, "P-Please..."

I kiss his lips deeply as I continue to slam into him, each thrust making the mattress squeak and I can tell he's in pure bliss.

"You fucking love it, don't you?" I ask, "You love the way I fuck you."

He moans out at my words, grasping desperately as my voice deepens, "You're close aren't you? It's coming up fast. How long do you think you can hold?

"I could give you a better fuck than anyone you've ever met. Better than Frank."

His breathing gets faster and faster at my words, and I have a feeling he'll come untouched as sweat rolls down his forehead and he clenches his teeth.

"You're going to hold it for me." I whisper, "You are going to hold back until I tell you you can come, do you understand?"

I don't know where this is all coming from, I'm guessing that it's the submissive look on his face. It might be the pleasure. It might be my dominance. I don't know. It's kinky, but it's fucking hot.

"M-More..." Gerard whispers, begging.

I slam into him as hard as I can, another scream leaving his throat.

"How close are you?" I ask him.

"I'm trying to hold off, Bastard." He hisses through clenched teeth.

I grin at him, "And you're gonna hold it for a little while longer."

He squeezes his eyes shut as I continue to thrust in him, my hand going to his cock and beginning to jerk him off.

"D-Don't-" he chokes out.

"You will fucking hold it you little slut." I growl as I go slow, "You're doing fine."

He lets out a shuddery breath, tears gathering at his eyes as he holds it in as well as he can, legs shaking.

I slowly sped up my pace in my thrusts and my hand, knowing he can't last and finally, finally give him mercy.

"Come."

He comes with an earsplitting scream, his hips snapping up and his cock twitching in my hand as the white substance sticks to his shirt and his muscles clench. It's a beautiful sight, and I find myself doing the same moments later.

We ride out the high just before I collapse on him giving out small twitches here and there and the only sound is our fast breaths.

Gerard grins up at me, "Thank you."

"Mhmm... I'm goin' to sleep now." I smile back.

"Mkay, g'night."

"Night."

I love you.


	22. Chapter 22

July 28th, 2005  
Quebec, Canada  
40th day of tour

"Hey everyone! How are we doing today?" Gerard calls through the stage.

I smirk to myself as I watch him limping across the platform.

"Why are you limping?" One girl calls.

Gerard chuckles into the mic then looks to Frank, "We had a little bit of a rough night last night."

I swear I can hear my heart break with those words and, yeah, I know he wants to keep this secret but it still hurts horribly. It's fine... I'm fine. It's not like people would accept him and I over him and Frank.

As soon as the crowd screams, though, he looks to me and mouths out a small, "Sorry."

I only shrug.

But I can't do this.

I turn around and leave, heading back to the tour bus with tears pricking my eyes and I don't know why it's effecting me so much but it just... hurts.

"'Trick, you alright?"

My wet eyes dart up, my throat clenched from the need to cry. Pete is there, a worried look on his pale face.

"Oh my god, what happened, 'Trick?"

I choke and collapse in his arms, sobbing and just whimpering out small, "It hurt's." He pulls me close and shushes me, stroking my hair.

"You wanna go somewhere and talk about it?" He asks gently. I only nod in response, unable to reply with words and he takes me aside behind the Plain White T's' bus and looks down at me, wiping my tears, "What happened?"

"N-Nothing I-"

"Patrick." He warns me.

I sob harder. I don't want to tell him. I can't tell him, but I know I have to.

"I..." I choke, "I love him... but he doesn't love me and it just... hurts..."

"Gerard?"

"Y-Yeah..."

He pulls me close, hugging me and shushing me gently.

"I'm just... it hurts and I wish it didn't have to be this way and... it just... Warped is almost over and I'm scared of losing him... At the same time I don't even know if he feels the same way and... I just... I don't know what to do..."

Pete sighs, "It's gonna be okay. In the end, everything will work out. Trust me."

I cry harder, shaking in his arms, "I'm afraid he doesn't love me..."

"Just try to make it through Warped. You'll get over him. It'll hurt but I'll be here for you. I promise." He sighs and holds me as the sobs slowly disappear.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, pulling away, "I'm just... I... I don't know..."

Pete swallows, "It's okay. Really. I... I've been through this before. But it's okay. You'll find someone else, you'll move on."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."


	23. Chapter 23

July 31st, 2005  
185 miles west of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania  
43rd day of tour

The bonfire today is brighter than it usually seems. Maybe it's because of the way his eyes are lit with the burning ember before them. Maybe it's because I'm afraid. Maybe it's because there's only 15 more days until tour is over. Just over 2 more weeks. I keep telling myself it'll be okay. Like Pete said. Like Joe said.

The flames lick at the wood as Tom throws on another piece of wood and I lean closer into Gerard's chest. My blanket is wrapped around me, his hand weaving through my strawberry blonde locks, my hat thrown to the ground while Pete and Mikey sneak small kisses, and even Andy is sitting on Joe's lap. Ray and Frank and sitting beside each other with a few members from Plain White T's, The Offspring, and The Academy Is... None of them really seem to mind the amount of gay that's happening around them.

I kiss Gerard's neck softly before I snuggle up closer to his chest and tiredly shut my eyes. I don't want to sleep, though, because that means I'll lose another day of Warped and I'm not ready for that yet.

Maybe I'm clinging a bit too much to this but in my defense, I'm feeling scared and all I can do is sit and wait and hope that things will get better.

Gerard groans under me as I shift so I'm straddling him instead with my hands around his neck and my face buried in the crook of it.

"What are we?" I ask softly, "Just friends?"

"Best friends with benefits." Gerard chuckles, as I kiss up his neck to his lips, he moves his head to the side, though and I swear I can hear my heartbreak.

"Gee?"

"Sorry..." he bites his lip and hugs me close, "I just... I don't know... Could you maybe... not kiss me as much? Is that okay? It's not you it's just... Everyone is starting to think we're in a relationship even though we aren't... Just... keep it for the bedroom, alright?"

I swallow, my heart sinking in my chest, then nod, "Oh, okay."

He strokes my back softly and his eyes flicker down to look at our position with his lip trapped between his teeth.

"You should ride me tonight." He whispers, bucking his hips up just slightly and making a small whimper leave my throat, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, sure." I smile.

"Good boy." He whispers, "Go ahead to the bus, I'll be there in a bit."

I grin down at him and I'm about to kiss him, though I quickly stop myself last second.

"See you in five."

I blush as I get up and walk about to the Fall Out Boy bus.


	24. Chapter 24

July 31st, 2005  
185 miles west of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania  
43rd day of tour

The door slams shut and I quickly pull the sheets over myself, afraid it might be Pete or Mikey but sure enough, it's Gerard there. He looks miserable but as soon as he enters the room, his face lightens like a lightswitch and he begins taking off his tie.

"You okay?" I ask him, sitting up and pulling the covers from off of myself, my chest uncovered because I've grown to trust him with it.

He rubs his face as dress shirt is thrown to the ground and he begins sliding down his pants and kicking off his jeans.

"Yeah, I'm fine... fine." He blinks and smiles again as he crawls over me and begins kissing me gently.

"Anyone who says that they're fine twice isn't fine." I mumble through his lips, "You know I'm here as a friend if you need me."

"I..." he trails off and looks away, "It's not really something I can talk to you about. There's nothing you've done wrong it's just. It's kind of private, okay?"

I look into his eyes with concern for a moment, I have a feeling he's hiding something from me, but it passes and I shrug it off with an, "Okay."

He smiles gently before he rolls us over and I'm on top, my legs straddling his hips and his bulge pressed up against mine.

"Mmm..." he hums as he grabs a condom from his shirt, laying limp on the floor along with a bottle of lube, "I want you to prep yourself."

I frown, confused at him.

He only smirks and whispers in a deep voice into my ear, "I want to watch you do it yourself. It would be really hot."

I blush, my cheeks a wildfire as soon as he says that and he hands over the lube as he sits up, "Start with one finger. I wanna see everything."

I blush harder at his request as I crawl onto my hands and knees, making sure he can see as I lube up a finger and line myself up, wincing at the intrusion.

Almost as soon as I enter it in myself, Gerard moans out and has to restrain himself from touching me, keeping his hands clenched in the blankets softly.

It feels... weird. I've never actually fingered myself, but it definitely takes some effort, especially when it's on myself.

I lower my head as I thrust it in and out and add a second, without lube. Gerard clenches farther into the sheets and it's all he can do to watch as I finish prepping and the moment I pull my fingers out, he seizes me by my hips and positions me on top of him, the head of his cock lined up straight with my entrance.

"You are going to fucking ride me, no teasing, no hesitation. I want you to fucking fuck yourself with my cock, do you understand?" He growls in my ear, a long whine leaving my throat. Yeah, it's nice to be a top but Jesus if the way Gerard demands things to me in that deep voice right in my ear where I can feel his breath isn't the biggest fucking turnon in the world, I don't know what is.

I take a deep breath as he guides me down on him, his cock filling me up inch by inch and making my eyes wide and my mouth open in pleasure.

"F-F-Fuck." I moan out, tugging on his hair at each inch.

"You're so fucking tight, Baby." He moans into my neck as I'm able to sit all the way down and lift up again, "Just make yourself feel good with my cock... Mmm..."

I let out a needy whine, my lips attaching to his again as I slide up and down and begin to go faster.

"Fuck..." he bites his lip and murmurs in a deep voice something I don't think I'm supposed to hear but I do anyways, "So good for Daddy."

I stop, pull my lips from his neck and raise my eyebrows in surprise, "Daddy?"

He blushes a deep red, "I didn't... I uh..."

I lift myself again and grin mischievously as I reply, "Don't be embarrassed..." and then in the deepest, sexiest voice I can muster, nearing my lips to his ear, I add, "Daddy."

His eyes widen and his hips buck up into mine sharply as he moans out my name and lifts me again, "Fucking ride me."

I quickly comply, lifting myself up eagerly and back down, bouncing on his lap over and over while he moans under me and guides my hips up and down.

"Look at you, taking it all for Daddy." He moans in my ear while I stare blankly at the wall behind him, lost in the pleasure of his head hitting against my prostate.

"D-Daddy..." I whimper out.

He chuckles darkly into my ear though I can hear the strain, the familiar strain and I know he's getting close, "I'm gonna come soon, I want you to hold it and when you know I'm coming, you can come, understand?"

"Y-Yes, Daddy." I whisper.

He slams me down, "What was that?"

"Yes, Daddy!" I yelp.

He grins, "Good."

A few more thrusts later and with his hand on my cock, I watch his face contort beautifully as he comes undone under me and I take that as a signal to come. My mind blanks at the pleasure and I come, yelling out a loud, "Daddy!"

I collapse beside him, sweat clinging to my face and my eyes blown with intensity as I lay, spent.

He ties off the condom and pulls me close, "Next time, we're experimenting with that."

"Oh, okay."


	25. Chapter 25

August 3rd, 2005  
Atlanta, Georgia  
46th day of tour  
Hi Fi Amphitheater Lot

Bm bmmmm bmtss tss bm bmmm bm tstststs

D, A, B minor, A

Dooo do dooo do doo do dooo doooo dooo do do do doooo do dooo do do do doooooo

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?  
I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear  
'Cause that's just who I am this week,"

Bridge.

"Lie in the grass next to the mausoleum  
I'm just a notch in your bedpost  
But you're just a line in a song.  
Drop a heart, break a name  
We're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team."

Chorus... Let's go!

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it.

"We're going down, down in an earlier round!  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging!  
I'll be your number one with a bullet!  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!"

Verse.

"Is this more than you bargained for yet?  
Oh! Don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet  
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans," I grind hard against my guitar, knowing Gerard can see me. Watching me.

Bridge.

"Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?  
I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song.  
Drop a heart, break a name  
We're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team!"

Chorus, two, three, go!

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!"

I hear the crowd cheer as I grind a little more, knowing how much it's affecting Gerard as I hide my growing erection.

"Down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!"

"We're going down, down!"

Pete replies with his backgrounds.

"Down, down!"

"Down, down!"

"Down, down!"

"We're going down, down!"

"Down, down!"

"A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!"

"We're going down, down in an earlier round  
And Sugar, we're going down swinging  
I'll be your number one with a bullet  
A loaded god complex cock it and pull it!"

Joe, Pete, and Andy end off the song with their six beats in sync and I step away from the mic, wiping the sweat from my face.

I grin at Gerard who's biting his lip and shifting uncomfortably in the crowd before he's leaving and going around.

Backstage.

I know we're gonna have some fun.


	26. Chapter 26

August 8th, 2005  
Charlotte, North Carolina  
51st day of tour

"There's only seven days left." I whisper, my back leaning against Gerard's chest softly as he strokes a hand through my dark blonde hair. His steady breaths warm my scalp when he hums in reply.

"Mhmm..."

I swallow, tears rising to my eyes but I will them back.

Just be strong.

"I'm gonna miss you, man." He says softly.

I'm surprised at that statement. I don't know why, though.

"I'll miss you, too." I whisper but somewhere in there my voice cracks and I have to squeeze his hand in a desperate search for comfort.

He squeezes back, "When this ends, I don't want to lose contact. I wanna be able to call and text and maybe Skype."

He looks down at me at the suggestion of Skype because we both know what that could lead to.

I giggle, "Mkay."

"Yeah." He hugs me close, nuzzling his nose into my hair, "You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend, too."

He leans back again as the bus bounces under us, "When was the last time you showered?"

I hum, as if I'm deep in thought, "Just before Warped started."

"Two months ago?" He asks, moving back a little.

"Oh shut up," I growl, "It's not like you're doing any better. These buses don't have showers, y'know."

Gerard chuckles behind me, "Sweetie, you need to come visit Cobra Starship's sometime."

"What?"

"They have a shower." He says with a giggle.

I frown, unsure of what to say for a moment, "A shower? On a tour bus?"

"Mhmm." He hums.

I lift my hands, "How?"

He shrugs, "Don't ask me how it works."

I raise my eyebrows, "Okay then."

He laughs, "You're cute when you're confused."

I punch him playfully in the arm because I sure as hell am not cute. I'm a fat, clumsy, ugly mess if anything.

He hugs me close, "Adorable."

"Quit it, Gee."

"Mmm... no." He hums back before he presses his lips to just under my ear.

I blush again, "Shut up you little shit."

He flips us over so I'm under him, "I don't really feel like fucking you right now, but I will make you admit that you are adorable and cute. We may be just friends, but I'm not letting you feel like shit."

I raise an eyebrow at that, "Just friends, huh?"

He rolls his eyes, "Best friends. With benefits."

I smirk and kiss him, letting his hands trail down my shirt and back up to hook into my jaw.

"You really are adorable, though." He says.

"Thank you."


	27. Chapter 27

August 10, 2015  
Washington DC  
51st day of tour

"I love you, Gerard." I whisper, my hands in his, the rhythm of the rain keeping time to our unsteady breaths, "I have ever since the first time and it's killing me that I couldn't tell you and I'm just... I'm so sorry for not telling you. I should have and I just... I'm sorry..."

Gerard looks shocked as he watches me, his eyes wide and small sounds coming from his throat, "I... uh..."

I blush and step away, he doesn't stop me.

"I..." he frowns, "I really don't feel the same, Patrick."

I feel tears rising to my eyes as he steps away, "It's... I'm sorry... it was stupid."

He shakes his head, raindrops clinging to his eyelashes, "Just go."

I grasp the ends of my sleeves, my mouth wide in devastation and tears joining the raindrops.

"Go!" Gerard barks at me aggressively and I do, I run away back to the Fall Out Boy tour bus.

Only... I don't.

My eyes blink open and I'm in my bunk, tears falling down my cheeks and my chest heavy with sweat.

I look to my side and sure enough, Gerard is there, sleeping soundly with his hair a ruffled mess, his clothes on the floor somewhere from when I'd fucked him into the bed earlier...

It's amazing how much more innocent he looks when he's asleep. How he has made me scream his name just a couple nights before and now, he looks like an angel.

I wish I could keep him. I wish he could be mine. I wish. I wish. I wish.

I wish we could be more than just friends.

I want to be his lover. I want a life with him. I want to go on dates and travel the world. I want to get married and adopt kids. I want to grow old with him and love him.

I don't want this to be based off of sex. I want more. I want his heart, not his body. I want his mind not his skin. I want his... everything. I want it all but I can't have it. I know I can't have it. There's no way he could want me in the same way. He's never suggested anything. If he's as brave as I really think he is, he'll tell me his feelings about me. He'll be mine and I'll be his and we could be... happy.

I'm silly.

He could never love me.

I... I'm just a temporary partner. Just a friend with who doesn't hesitate to take off his jeans. Once Warped is over, we'll never talk. We're going to go our separate ways and...

Maybe I'll forget about him....

No. That's stupid. I couldn't forget about this. He means a lot to me. I love him. That's not something you just forget about.

I lay back and turn on my side so I'm facing him, taking in his features.

I couldn't forget about Gerard.

I love him.

I really do.


	28. Chapter 28

August 14th, 2005  
Ashbury Park, New Jersey  
57th day of tour  
Englishtown Raceway

"Good afternoon, guys! Welcome to Fall Out Boy's last show for Warped Tour this year!" Pete calls through the mic. His voice is scratchy. He's been crying a little earlier in Mikey's arms. It had broken my heart and... made me realize how he must be going through the same thing as I...

They really do love each other, but I know they both have their own lives. They would never be able to keep their relationship.

Just like Gerard and I's.

The crowd cheers and yells and screams as Pete strums a random chord on his bass then goes back up to the mic.

"Here's Saturday for you all."

The crowd cheers and I get closer to my microphone as the song begins and I get the lyrics right, not missing a beat.

Halfway through, I look up to see Gerard with a smile on his face and his eyes teary (why are his eyes teary?).

"Saturday!  
When these open doors were open ended!

Pete begins screaming in the background as I feel my own tears begin to rise and I sing with all the emotion I can muster.

"And I read about the afterlife!  
But I never really lived!  
And I read about the afterlife!  
But I never really lived!

"Two more weeks, my foot is in the door!  
Me and Pete! In the wake of Saturday!  
Saturday! When these open doors were open ended!  
Saturday! When these open doors were open ended!

"Saturday!   
Saturday!"

Joe strums one last chord and it's over. Tears falling down my cheeks as I grip the mic with shaky fingers and turn away, unable to focus while Pete says the farewell for the band.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and case up my guitar quickly, grabbing a water and a towel.

And making my way to Gerard.

It doesn't take long before I'm trapped in his warm embrace and we're sobbing into each other's shoulders because this is the second to last say we'll be able to see each other. Tomorrow we'll have to leave and I don't know when I'll see him again. If I'll see him again. If I should tell him how I feel...

He sways me back and forth, gently as I hear Pete come up behind us.

"Patrick." He says softly, his voice gentle but harsh.

I pull from Gerard's grip to wipe my tears and turn to Pete who looks equally devastated.

"I..." he bites his lip and finally just turns to Gerard, "We're making our way up to Chicago tonight and we wanted to know if you and Mikey and Ray and Frank wanna join us. Just to... like... say goodbye... would you be up to it? Just one more night? It's an eleven hour drive but we were planning on going back there anyways and you have to drive back to LA anyways, right? It's just a small detour, please, I-"

"Of course." Gerard says, "Y-Yeah. I'd love to."

Pete grins and hugs him tightly, "Thank you so much, Gee!"

I giggle at his enthusiasm as he jogs away to meet Mikey and Gerard pulls me close.

"We better be on our way, then." He says, "Don't want to be late to Chicago."


	29. Chapter 29

August 15th, 2005  
Chicago, Illinois  
Last day, 58th day of tour

"Patrick, Baby, wake up." Gerard coos beside me.

I groan at the unwanted wake up call, but he huffs and tries harder.

"Wake up! We're in Chicago! Come on! Let's go shop and walk and see the sights and the sounds!" He shakes me and, at the mention of my beloved city, I finally sit up and lean over the bed to pull up my boxers and jeans and belt.

"Chicago? We made it?" I ask with wide eyes as I finish clasping my belt and straightening out my shirt.

"Yes! Come on!" Gerard laughs, "It's the last day, I've gotta spoil you!"

"W-What?" I open my eyes wide as he grabs my arm and pulls me along, out the bus and down the street, "Pick a place! Any place! We're going shopping and we're going to see where you used to live. Anywhere you want to, 'Trick. It's all up to you today."

I grin at Gerard as a lit cigarette hangs from his mouth and I laugh as I kiss his cheek, "Happy last day of the 2005 Warped Tour, Man."

"You too, Dude." He replies with a small and catlike grin.

We spend the day shopping and browsing, whatever floats our boats. A lot of Hot Topic and comic book shops. Gerard tells me about his comics and some of his ideas, I give him input and... well... music is really my only passion, but I've told him about my ideas for a solo album I'd had called Soul Punk and he told me it was good.

It's fun.

Just him and I and...

I forget. Just for the rest of the day, I manage to forget that this is the last day of tour and we won't see each other after this...

And then I remember...


	30. Chapter 30

August 15th, 2005  
Chicago, Illinois  
Last day, 58th day of tour

"I love it here, 'Trick. I really do. The sights, the sounds, the food, the rain. I love how passionate you are about his city. I love how your eyes light up when we're here."

I stay silent as he turns to me, "I... I'm gonna miss you, honestly... it was a good tour..."

I nod, "Y-Yeah..."

He bites his lip and looks into my eyes with his dark chestnut.

"Maybe... maybe we'll see each other again soon? I mean... in a few years if we can... maybe Pete, Mikey, you and I can get together or something..."

I nod, tears are rising to my eyes and I don't want them to. I really don't want him to leave. I don't want to leave this behind. Us behind. These forbidden feelings, this strange love. It hurts. I can feel it in my heart because from the start I knew it was more than just a good fuck between friends...

I want to be more to him.

"You know..." he bites his lip and lowers his eyes, "In the end, I'd do it all again for you... you're my best friend..."

I break and sob into his shoulder, pulling him into a warm embrace.

"I'm gonna miss you," I sob.

He's a little shaky himself as he whispers into my ear, "This isn't goodbye, 'Trick. We'll do it again, you know. And next time, we could try something new..."

I choke back more tears from leaving, "N-Next time?"

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?" He asks softly.

"Y-Yeah..."

"Then why not?"

I pull away, smiling gently, "N-Next time..."

He nods, "Next time..."

I open my mouth, about to say something but... I hesitate... I can't...

I can't ruin this friendship...

"I..."

I love you.

"Hmm?" He asks, tilting his head and weaving my fingers through his...

One last time before I have to leave to return to making music. Return to my life. Return to Pete and Andy and Joe. Return to Infinity On High and everything we couldn't do on tour...

"N-Nothing." I reply with a fake smile, "I'll miss you, Man, thanks for all the sex. Until next time."

He chuckles, "Until next time, Patrick..."

I swallow and with one last hug, he's turning, returning to the My Chemical Romance bus where he'll return home and I'll return to my own.

But if home is where the heart is, I'm fucked.

I turn and watch as he walks away. A couple droplets of rain falling from the sky and I can't help but whisper out three small words that nobody but myself will ever hear. Three small words that nobody will ever know. It's my little secret, and I don't know how long I can keep it...

"I love you..."


	31. Epilogue

Sweat clings to my face and all I can hear is my breath. My unsteady breaths. In, out, in again, the bright lights, my eyes glancing eagerly at the crowd surrounding me and I can't help but grin slightly to myself.

It's small, smaller than the concerts we used to have with a giant crowd of people and a big stage. Cheers, lights, a mess.

This is different. This is smaller, much more contained, less lights, less noise, and I feel...

I feel happy.

I'm jumping around on stage, singing my heart out with eager eyes and a pumping heart. The crowd is smiling and cheering me on as I continue through my song, the chords on my guitar gliding through easily, the other members with their backing vocals and instruments and I've never felt so alive in my life.

"I'm not broken hearted  
I'm just kinda pissed off  
"'Cause, Allie I was so good back then  
But I wonder if it'd be so good if I saw you again  
Listen, miss, you got me,  
You shoulda taught me such," I stomp my foot down and run my fingers through my hair with my eyes shut as I continue, "naughty things  
You shoulda taught me such naughty things."

"You sing to me," the guitarist quickly gets to backup vocals as I continue.

"Cross legged on Andrew's bed  
And I, drunk beyond my fifteen years,  
Wished to be anywhere else instead  
'Cause I was as too terrified of you  
And all I was too scared to death to do  
So I slid on the spot off the mattress  
And crumpled to the floor  
And the sad fact is

"You said you were protected  
I thought you meant you have a gun,"

I open my eyes as we go into the chorus, the crowd cheering and I can't help but feel a little bit of pride in it.

"Allie I was so good back then  
But I wonder if I'd be so good if I saw you again  
Listen miss, you've got me  
You should've taught me such naughty things   
(You should have taught me such naughty things)  
Oh, you could've taught me such naughty things

"(Huh) Allie I was so good...   
But I wonder, but I wonder, but I wonder   
But I wonder if I'd be so good   
(Allie, you should have taught me such naughty things)  
You should have taught me such naughty things  
Oh, you could've taught me such naughty things

"Allie I was so good back then  
But I wonder if I'd be so good if I saw you again  
Listen miss, you've got me  
You should've taught me such naughty things  
(Tonight we're going to do naughty things)  
Oh, you could have taught me such naughty things... yeah."

The crowd cheers, as I grin at them and as I look out... I swear I can see something... a head of red hair...?

No. It's nothing.

"Thank you guys for coming tonight. Have a good rest of your evenings!" I say shortly into the mic, my lips dry and I soon find myself grabbing a bottle of water and towel while some assistants begin taking down the mic stands and turning off spot lights.

I walk backstage to my makeup area where I immediately set my bottle down and grab some makeup remover from one of the drawers, pouring some on a cotton ball and begin wiping off whatever is left of the eyeliner and concealer.

Once the makeup is off, I take a deep breath, calming my still-racing heart. It usually takes this long to calm down from a show, I get so pumped at happy. It's hard to get the adrenaline to stop sometimes.

So, I take a few deep breaths, my heart beginning to slow, my hands fumbling with the buttons of my suit jacket as I pull it off, the back wet with sweat and my eyes shut peacefully.

I hear talking outside my door, some mumbling, a loud sound of excitement. It's a little suspicious but I don't think much of it until the door opens.

My eyes dart up, my pupils dilating and my jaw clenching at the sight before me.

In the door is a red haired man with a bitten lip, brown eyes, and a nervous glance.

Gerard.

Everything freezes up and I feel like I can't move. My breathing hitches, my eyes widen, my fingers grip the seat of the chair.

He's changed so much and I should know. I should know he would be here. This is Jersey. This is Jersey where we played our last show, where I gave him my number.

And he never once texted me, not even when I texted him.

Jersey and back to Chicago. My city. And I showed him that city.

I gave him my number. I told him I wanted him to text me. He told me he would. I trusted him. Did he just forget? Did he forget about me? Did he forget just like I've been trying to? Or did he just pass the whole summer as a casual affair, thanks for the memories.

How could he just forget? How could he just forget about me for six years and come back out of nowhere? Is it normal to be this pissed? This devastated? Just the sight of him sends a pang of nostalgia through my chest and there's a small memory that runs through my mind. Two sweaty bodies atop each other, soft thrusts, rough kisses. It takes all my will to look away from him in the mirror, instead focusing on packing my bag again with my supplies. Makeup, suit jacket, towel.

"Hey." He says softly.

I feel another pang hit my heart like a bullet and my throat closes up, my eyes beginning to sting as tears rise to the surface but I force them back. I squeeze the concealer, my grip tight and shaky but I find my anger getting the best of me as I finally throw my concealer in and stand up from my seat, turning to glare at him.

"Six years. Six years without a text, without a call, without a word. Six years without a word and you show up and say hey?" My voice cracks just slightly, my eyebrows furrowed and my hand in a tight fist, "I missed you. I wanted to fucking talk to you. I texted you. You said we were friends but apparently I was just another cock for you to shove up your ass."

"Patrick-" he whispers, his voice cracking just the slightest as he watches me.

"Why are you here?"

There's a long pause, nothing but our shaky breaths and the hum of people outside. I wonder if we could have been more. More than friends. I wonder if he could have had feelings for me like I did him.

He just swallows and walks toward me until his hands take mine but I immediately yank them out and continue to glare.

"I missed you." He whispers, tears forming in his eyes, "Please just... I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd want me to call. I was scared, Patrick."

I shove him away, "Bullshit! That's fucking bullshit! You knew you meant more to me than that!"

He lets out a sigh before he's coming forward again, shoving me against the desk so my hips hit the edge hard and his hands are weaving through my hair.

His lips are on mine and just like that, I'm falling again.

I'm falling and I can't stop. My heart is swelling, and I'm afraid it'll burst as I kiss back into those familiar lips.

His fingers trail up my stomach and begin to unbutton my dress shirt, his fingers cold on me.

I can't get dragged into this again.

But God, I need to.

I turn us around swiftly so he's against the desk and I'm the one with my hands in his hair, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

"I hate you so fucking much, Gerard." I growl as I yank off his shirt and start with his jeans, my breathing fast, my heart racing as I feel his skin again. It's all so familiar, I've been down this road before and I can't believe I'm getting dragged back again.

He pushes my pants down, his lips still attacking mine, swollen and red as they bite and suck.

No words are exchanged through the next few moments, a yank here, a moan there, and the next thing I know, he's on the floor with me above him and the world is slowly coming to a stop.

I fell for him six years ago and I still can't get over that soft hair, those smooth hips, the chubby thighs, those hazel eyes, the sounds, the sight, the feeling.

"Six fucking years, Gee." I growl as he grabs his pants and takes out a bottle of lube and a condom.

I grab the supplies and set the condom aside before I'm lubing up a couple fingers and setting the clear bottle aside, poising my fingers at his entrance. Before I start stretching him, though, I let my eyes gaze over his figure.

It was so much easier to just call all those times simple fucks and try to forget but I know it was so much different.

Six years where every time it rained, I would think of Gerard. Every time I heard a My Chemical Romance song on the radio, I thought of Gerard.

Every time I touched myself, I would come the hardest when I thought of him.

And I remember how Pete held me as I cried because I was scared of losing him. I did lose him. I lost him for six years but... he's back and I don't know why. He couldn't miss me. If he did, something different would have happened and we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

I can't think too hard on it. It's over. He's back now. He's back and I can't function right. It's like he controls me. Like I'm wrapped around his finger and I can't get away.

I shove two fingers in him harshly, maybe too harshly because his eyes go wide as he yelps in a mixture of pain, pleasure, and surprise. He feels just like I remember. Maybe all men feel that way.

Maybe Gerard is different.

He scrapes at the floor, a low moan leaving his throat, enough to make me harden impossibly more and I would kill to hear it again.

I leave my fingers in for a little bit, occupying myself with lazy strokes of my fist and soon enough he's grinding down on me, whimpering for more in a long needy whine and it amazes me just how weak I can make him if I want.

I add a third, thrusting it in all the way because I do kind of want to give him pain for what he did. I want him to like it but at the same time, make it hurt. Sting. Just like my heart did.

"I hate you." I growl.

"Show me!" He barks back, "Fucking shove it in me!"

I slap him hard before I'm yanking my fingers out and rolling a condom on, not even bothering with lube.

He pulls my hips flush against his abruptly and the next thing I know, I'm thrusting in hard, a scream erupting from his throat as I immediately go too roughly, grunting out small, "I hate you's," and, "You're a fucking idiot's."

He doesn't seem to mind, though, as he pulls me closer and moans loudly, running his fingers through my bleached locks, tugging them back gently.

"Harder, fuck." He moans, pulling my hips closer to his with rough fingers.

I quickly speed up my thrusts, eager for the stimulation to just overcome me. I'm done being nice.

He keeps tugging though my hair, his mouth against my lips and neck until I can't take it and I pin his wrists down on the floor, thrusting at an inhuman pace.

"Patrickpatrickpatrickfuckfuckfuck." He groans, the most pleasured look I've ever seen on his features.

"Do you fucking like this you fucking whore?" I growl.

"Patrick! Shit!" He moans, grinding back down on me as I slam into his prostate over and over again, missing here and there but for the most part, I hit the small bundle of nerves and I can see more and more droplets of precum leaking from his length.

I press his hands together and trail my other hand to pinch the tip with my index and thumb, another half scream leaving his throat as I finally jack him off roughly.

"Did you really miss me, Whore?" I ask, breathless like he stole it in the same way he stole my heart.

"Yes, fuck, you have no idea." He whimpers, "Fuck please. I'm close."

I jack him off more, faster, messier from his tip to his base and back up. He's a moaning mess beneath me, his hips bucking up desperately as I pound impossibly faster into him, right into his prostate with my orgasm right on the edge.

"Closecloseclosefuck." He slurs out, unable to distinguish his words until it's just a mess of sound and he's screaming. Thick, white ropes leave his cock to shoot on his stomach and leaving me to moan out and come inside him. Deep inside him.

He keeps panting, his jaw clenched and his neck strained as he tilts his back, regaining his breath.

I swallow and widen my eyes as I realize exactly what I just did and I feel a little sick to my stomach as I pull out and tie off the condom, throwing it in the trash.

Gerard's finally calming down, leaning up on his elbows with a knee bent awkwardly as he gazes at me.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, then collapse and pull him close, "I'm so sorry, I missed you so much, I'm so sorry. I-"

There are tears rising to my eyes as Gerard pulls me close to him, hushing me, "It's okay, it's all okay... I... I love you..."

It barely processes at first, I love you. Just a small, overused phrase.

And then it hits.

"R-Really?" I ask, looking up at him.

He swallows, but nods.

It takes a moment but soon enough, my reply comes as well, "I love you too..."

He kisses me.


End file.
